My peer's direct just dumped on me...

Steven,

As a colleague of mine would say: "I can smell what you're stepping in."

This is a very dangerous situation for you. The direct might be making a play for the peer's job, and is using you to do the dirty work. There are many nefarious or childish scenarios that might be playing out here.

You don't indicate what behaviors were specified by the direct, nor whether her "characterization" was in line with your understanding of that manager's performance. Your actions depend on what specifically is at issue here. For example, if you have been notified of sexual harassment, you do have an obligation to act. If the direct simply doesn't like this boss, you don't.

The person who needs to hear the complaint is your peer's boss. Don't.

Don't escalate, or join the fray. It probably makes sense regardless to have a good relationship with your peer, so build the relationship. Don't talk about this conversation unless you are certain how it will play out, and you have the trust and support of key players. And if you do, don't take sides: report what she said and let your peer draw conclusions.

If the team is really going to quit en masse (it never actually seems to happen...), maybe they should.

Finally, you have to consider outcomes. What happens to you, your peer, your boss's opinion of you (your boss will find out!), the direct, etc, if you take some specific set of actions. Assume everything you say and do will become public.

John

PS: The podcast: http://www.manager-tools.com/2006/05/receiving-feedback-about-your-directs/ while not directly about this situation, does have some good ideas about how to handle a comparable situation. Should it be off the record, taking notes, etc. Good food for thought.

Steven - one part of your post says:

[quote]In the end I told her I couldn't promise that anything dramatic would change but I could promise that the right people in the company would know how she feels.[/quote]

I'm curious as to whether you've already meant to promise that you'd do something, or if the direct might have [u]interpreted[/u] you to have promised to do something...

Not only is this dangerous (as Hack points out), but these situations are really hard because the conversations often end very ambiguously.

If the reported behavior is illegal, immoral, unethical - then you know you need to act. But if the beahior is more in the realm of incompetent, rude, or just plain bone-headed, then the next steps can vary.

At some point during the initial conversation, you're wise to ask: "I need a little clarity about your intent, about your purpose for bringing this to me. Are you asking me to DO something? Are you just sharing information you think I should know? Are you just letting off steam?"

One of the underlying dangers is that you don't want the direct to leave the meeting with a different interpretation about what you're going to do about it.

There's a wonderful old metaphor from management consultant William Oncken about "monkeys" (which are actually organizational problems). He tells the story about how some managers end up caring and feeding for other peoples' monkeys, because in the course of one conversation, these monkeys jump from their backs to your back!

Stop the monkeys in mid-jump! Don't let the directs' problems become YOUR problems. You've got enough of your own. Sure, you might sometimes help them solve their problems - but be really careful about ending up owning them. And in cases like the one you described, one of the best ways to keep their monkey off YOUR back is to clarify why they're bringing it to you, and what they expect you to do about it.

Again, if it's illegal or immoral, you are duty-bound to act. But in most cases it's something less serious than that.

This exact situation has happened to me. Here's what I did in case it helps.

Bottom line: You cannot win by being put in the middle. The peer's direct needs to handle their own problem.

1. If you have an HR person you are comfortable with, talk to them. Mine was great and she backed up my thoughts and gave a few hints.
2. I went back to the peer's direct and talked to him about how he should talk to his boss. I spent a few hours getting him comfortable with having an open and honest discussion with his boss. The keys were to give the boss the benefit of the doubt that what happened might not be intentional and a frank conversation could resolve the problem. I tried not to judge either side. Frankly, while the peer seemed to be doing some things I think they should not do, I thought that the peer's direct was taking everything in the worst possible light. The HR person called it the halo/horns effect. If you like someone, everything they do is good. If you don't like someone, everything they do is bad. While this was time on my part, I felt it was good for my skills and the organization to try to help.
3. I also told the peer's direct that the if the boss didn't respond, talking to HR was the next best bet. The peer's direct did do that. We have a good HR team and I felt that they were more suited and trained to handle these situations. They did eventually help the peer's direct in a joint conversation with the boss. If I didn't have an HR team, I do not think I would have talked to my peer.

Great advice MsSunshine - and I really like your Bottom Line statement.