First - thank you for the frameworks you have put forth - they are an invaluable asset to me both personally and in developing people in my organization!
I have been using the feedback model for about 8 months now, and ran across my first really interesting encounter. The person had a very strong reation to the feedback - not just defensiveness, but retorted with a personal attack about my work ethic.
My purpose for writing is twofold -
1) to warn others that such vehement reactions can occur (I still think it is your responsibility to share feedback) and
2) to seek advice you might have on how to deal with this when it happens.
It was peer to peer feedback - this person has been a colleague of mine for several years, and we have worked well together in the past.
She has a reputation for being caustic / sharp with people. When she displayed some of that behavior in an email - "I am trying to be nice about this.." I took the opportunity to give her some feedback on it, letting her know when she uses phrases like that, it engenders defensiveness and resistance in other people, and makes it much less likely that they will produce well for her (she is a high D).
Well, it didn't go as planned. It didn't even go as expected (a defensive response) - instead, it evoked a personal attack on my work ethic. Frankly, I was appaled by the venom behind the statement, and the potential implications on a relationship I had thought was both productive and good. I told her that I had mererly wanted to inform her of the impact of her behavior and look for options, and excused myself from the call. It was going to go nowhere good.
I am resolved to provide her additional feedback about when she is approached with feedback and she provides a personal attack in response. I am unsure at this time, however, that I can provide it with a 'loving' nature, so will have to cool down before I provide feedback. I suppose it is just a part of my development of thicker skin as a professional. I have taken much worse from bad clients or others in the past, I was just shocked at how much outflow can come from opening up the new level of dialogue can have with a person I believed to have a good relationship with.