Forums

 Hello All,

I'm going to use the forum to vent a bit, but I assure you I am reaching out for help or direction from anyone who may feel so inclined to lend their opinion or expertise.

I am a very ambitious and very hard worker.  At the age of 30, I am the 2nd youngest person in my company (small company of 15) and essentially second in command (i'm a director behind the COO/Founder of the organization).  I have been with this company for nearly 7 years and progressed from a 2nd tier technician to the director position in only 2 years and have been there ever since.  Being that its a small company, I have had my hands in everything, besides worrying about making payroll (which though I have not worried about myself, I have been in the trenches with the owners worrying by proxy) I run the majority of the aspects of the company.  It has been a great experience and i wouldnt trade it for anything but my ultimate goal is to own my own company.  I worry that being in this small company for so long though, i may have missed out on learning, being mentored and the structure that goes along with being in a larger company.  Everything i have learned, i have learned by faking, mirroring and doing, never having been really mentored or truly "managed' by anyone.  I wonder how transferable my seemingly vast skills would be in one of these larger orgs...

I graduated with my BS in MIS in 2007 (at the age of 27) as i was going to school part time since leaving high school and was working full-time.  I wouldnt have that any other way, at 30, i now have 13 years of practical and hands on experience with increasing responsibility due to hard work, self-development and of course a little luck.

I was accepted to a (fairly) prestigious MBA program in January of this year and quickly met two guys who were starting a company and they were convinced i was the missing piece of the puzzle.  I started working on building the organization from the ground up and between my full-time job (meaning 50+ hrs a week of course) and working on this company on my off time, i had to leave the MBA program after one semester.  I am dissappointed i didnt finish, but hey if i was there so i could eventually start a company, i guess i just fast tracked myself a bit.

We have made great strides in building the organization and have a great buzz, letters of intent from potential clients, were accepted to a business incubator at the 2nd largest university in the country and are shopping investors for start-up capital.  Of course i am still full-time at my job until we are funded as "promise" does not pay the bills.

So whats the problem you ask?  I feel inferior.  I am the type that no matter what I achieve, I am quick to throw it aside as a fluke or less important than it was originally in order to not gas up my own ego.  If i dont know a lot about a certain subject, then i'm certain that is the subject that i need to be successful and worry about my lack of knowledge about it.  

I want to learn more, and more and more and more!! I am never satisfied...i want to read more books and magazines and blogs and forums and find a business mentor (i have reached out to a very successful entrepreneur this week and am awaiting his response) i just can't seem to find the time to feel fulfilled in learning with the information overload and heightened expectations i put on myself.

Does anyone else have this problem?  Is it some type of addiction or workaholic mentality?  I apologize for the long post, but I feel like this constant need to develop and improve is at an unhealthy level and makes finding happiness a real obstacle.

If this is not the right place for this type of post, i apologize, but i figure with the bright minds and driven individuals i have seen on this site taking such great pride in improving and being the next generation of great business people (whether managers, rank and file or entrepreneurs) someone might have some insights for me.

Thanks in advance!

J - a high Di if that helps :)

bug_girl's picture

This doesn't exactly fit what you are asking--but I remember discussing a friend I know with an acquaintance that teaches at an MBA school.  My buddy over the years has started (and later moved on/abandoned) at least 5 different companies.  

I thought my friend was amazing, but I didn't get why he always left his companies after spending all that time and energy on getting a new venture started. My MBA friend explained that he saw folks like that a lot in his teaching, and called them serial entrepreneurs.

Maybe look at these articles and see if you recognize anything in yourself here?

http://www.entrepreneur.com/startingabusiness/successstories/article1994...

http://www.businessweek.com/smallbiz/content/may2007/sb20070507_959441.htm

It was a new concept to me, and explained a lot.

Since I tend to like stability, it's SO not my thing :)  Vive le difference!

jg407's picture

Hey Bug_Girl,

 

Thanks for the links, i am not a serial entrepreneur (yet) but i can definitely see the makings of it from that first article.  Fantastic reads regardless and I appreciate you sharing!  It provides remarkable insight and though I am familiar with what a serial entrepreneur is, I never thought about the psychology behind it.

Thanks again!

JG

jg407's picture

Hey Bug_Girl,

 

Thanks for the links, i am not a serial entrepreneur (yet) but i can definitely see the makings of it from that first article.  Fantastic reads regardless and I appreciate you sharing!  It provides remarkable insight and though I am familiar with what a serial entrepreneur is, I never thought about the psychology behind it.

Thanks again!

JG

deca's picture

 J,

I can relate to what you've described. I often battle the same issues. As it turns out, there's a whole Wikipedia entry devoted to this mindset, a.k.a. the "Impostor Syndrome." 

You may find the following links helpful:

On a curious note, I've read it often affects first-borns or only children, which tend to be type-A personalities... (Would you happen to be either?)

In any event, I suspect what's behind it is a thirst for significance, and making an impact that will outlive us. In my experience, I've found a good antidote is investing in relationships and helping those in need. It helps balance that hunger for achievement and focus on self.

Best wishes to you!

Deca

jg407's picture

The Impostor Syndrome is me to a FAULT! I was familiar with Dunning-Kruger, but not this one.  

I'm really baffled at some of the insights the inc.com article provides as well!  AND you are right, i'm an only child!  Man, give me some lottery numbers quick! LOL!  I agree about investing in relationships, in the past 2 years i've taken on some humanitarian activities, volunteering, joining the board of a non-profit, etc and while that stuff definitely makes me feel fulfilled, the overwhelming theme seems to be this syndrome.  There is actually a book referenced in the inc.com article that i'm going to check out as well.  It may just be another book on pattern recognition or NLP, but heck its worth looking at.

Thanks for the insight, relating and sharing!  It is truly appreciated.

 

Kind regards,

JG

deca's picture

J - You're funny... and very welcome!

I'm glad you posted about this. Although I share the same drama, I'd forgotten about this I.P. business until I read your post.

It was a good time to get reacquainted with it as I work to prove myself in a new job.

Have a great 2011.

Deca

jg407's picture

I'm glad i posted too and happy you were able to relate!  Drop me a message if you want to keep in touch and we will keep each others IP in check (especially as i'm launching my new startup!!)

 

Thanks!

JG

RaisingCain's picture

I like the way you express your feelings and I'm glad you feel better.

So, what was your question?

ashdenver's picture

J,

Hmm, you're a High-D and "a data collector" - that sounds familiar. Where have I heard that before?  Oh yeah, in my own life!  I'm the same way.

It sounds like the fear of not knowing something has given you a bit of ADHD - chasing shiny thing after shiny thing in the hopes that it will fill in the puzzle and you'll be 100% completely rounded.

My advice is to come up with a list of your priorities with timelines and deadlines. Revisit that list regularly (monthly, weekly, daily - whatever suits your needs or ADHD but schedule it on your phone or Outlook to keep it at the forefront) and make sure that, before you chase off after another shiny thing (segment of knowledge) that it either aligns with your current list of priorities.  If need be, you can (of course) revise your list of priorities but it will at least give you pause before you impetuously run after another rainbow.

... says she who took 22 years to complete the bachelor's degree. Heh.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
DiSC profile: 7-2-1-5

Please vote for my Pepsi Refresh grant application worth $50,000 USD<