Is this feedback to "harsh" to a High S / High I profile? 

Standard 4-steps:

Can i give you some feedback? When you submit reports that are late and incomplete, it slows the whole team down. It makes other people feel that you only care about yourself and that your actions doesn't affect other people. Can you change that? 


Is that effective or a bit too harsh. And what do i do if that person suddenly starts crying? I'm not mad nor imply that im angry. I just don't want that behavior to happen again in the future. I'd like to say that im all smiles there but just want to know as well what to do. Any advice? 


** first time forum user so not sure if this is the right forum section i'm posting at. 

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mattpalmer's picture

I would have skipped the "makes other people feel" part of that feedback.  It moves from constructive to "kicking their puppy".  If your direct is more S than I, you basically just told them that everyone thinks they suck.  If you *really* need a behaviour to *never* happen again, feedback isn't the right tool.  Feedback is about easing someone onto the right path.

If something can never happen again (like, say, storming out of a meeting with a client) you don't use feedback.  Instead, you say "Jane, storming out of the client meeting in a huff is unprofessional, and if it happens again you will be fired.  Are you clear on the consequences of repeating that behaviour?"  Don't use feedback as the "be-all" of performance communication -- there are other tools in your managerial toolbox for situations where feedback isn't appropriate.

On a "detail" level, personally, I don't like invoking "other people" in my feedback.  It sails a little too close to the same problem as we're trying to avoid by focusing on behaviours.  How do you *know* that your direct's behaviour makes other people think that your direct only thinks about themselves?

DiogenesPerez's picture
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If you've followed the full guidance where you have 5 poker chips in your right pocket everyday (or whatever tool you use) with only positive feedback and the ratio of positive vs. negative is at least 5 to 1 then I think the feedback you've is great and it will encourage your direct to change behavior because there's a relationship and he/she knows.

If on the other hand there's no previous work done, as it seems to be the case; I'm with Matt, don't use the feedback model if you haven't done your homework, not only the employee might cry or take it the wrong way; the whole team will know you as the Manager who likes make people cry and you can even loose trust and respect from your team.

maura's picture
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Here's a softened version, under the assumption that we are easing the person onto the right path, and are ok with it not being a huge deal:

Can i give you some feedback? When you submit reports that are late and incomplete, it slows the team down and makes it harder for them to do their part.  Can you do something differently there?



GlennR's picture

I'm a High S. I wouldn't have a problem with either of the two examples. Matt is right on target and I find Maura's more succinct.


aylim14's picture

 Thanks for all the Comments. Yes, i am following the standard guidance. i can say i even had a longer rollout process because im fairly new to it as well. My positive to negative ratio is probably (at least in my opinion) closer to a 8:1 ratio (revolving on reports being submitted early, on time for meetings, etc)


My example above just occurred to me as i was listening to the podcast: improve your feedback with DISC. 


But yes, i think id go for a lighter touch, like what maura suggested. 


Thank you so much! Huge help. 

RoMaJo's picture

By asking "Can i give you some feedback? " you are, IMO, diluting your authority in two ways:

(1) You are giving me permission to accept or reject what you tell me.

(2) You are establishing yourself as someone who operates on formal authority coupled with insincerety. Why? Because whether I say "Yes" or "No," you will still give me your feedback.

"Can I give you some feedback?" is what you ask when someone has spinach in their teeth and you want to spare them embarrassment.

When you want someone to turn in reports on time, you say "Of the past 5 reports, you've turned in 4 reports late with the domino effect of slowing down the team and delaying the project."



Mark's picture
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 As wrong as I've ever heard anyone be on these forums.

I like Maura's version best.


DRD282's picture
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RoMaJo, your point #2 is directly addressed in the casts. Mark and Mike's guidance is that if you ask "Can I give you some feedback?" and the response is "No" then you DON'T give the feedback. And if it happens again....well, I honestly forget exactly the guidance in that situation, as I'm new to the MT world. But they are definitely very clear on the fact that you never ask a question unless you intend to honor the answer.

mtietel's picture
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DRD282: Meta-feedback.  "When you consistently refuse feedback, it appears that you're not interested in improving your performance and that will limit your career.  What can you do differently?" 

aylim14's picture

Wasn't expecting Mark to comment, but hey, greatly appreciate it.


Yes, now that i've rehearsed it and compared it with Maura's feedback, mine sounds like talking to a high D. Still trying to get the hang of this. Again, thansk!  #next_pages_container { width: 5px; hight: 5px; position: absolute; top: -100px; left: -100px; z-index: 2147483647 !important; }


mike_bruns_99's picture
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Keep and eye out for this product from Manager Tools. Here is the preview note from Wendii. 


Effective Relationships


In the next six weeks, we’re going to announce a new product called Effective Relationships.  It will help you further develop your relationships using DISC. We’ve created 35 podcasts: 3 introductory casts and 32 casts which deal with each relationship created by the four DISC types D/I, D/S, D/C and so on. 
It’s the biggest product we’ve ever launched and we’ve designed it so that every one of our listeners gets exactly what they need to improve the organisational relationships they have.  You can hear an excerpt from ‘My boss is a D and I’m a C’ here
If you would like to know more about the product and get preview information before the launch, you can sign up for special preview emails here