Submitted by purplegrrl on
I have two DRs, one more senior than the other. The senior one is very direct in her communication and the junior one is a bit of a quiet, sensitive, shrinking violet type. I started with them 7 months ago and noticed some tension between them. Finally, the more junior one divulged in an O3 that the more senior DR has been acting like a boss to her--asking for one on ones with her, giving advice, and giving her feedback-- sometimes very abruptly and even rudely. My junior DR is very sensitive and feels the senior one is being rude. But, she doesn't feel comfortable confronting the senior DR. And her list of grievances is a little vague.
I gave the senior DR feedback, clarified reporting structures, and had the senior DR listen to the apology podcast, and asked her repeatedly to apologize. I even said, in order for her to be successful working with me, she has to apologize.
However, the senior DR doesn't think she's done anything wrong, and continues focusing on what the junior may have done (they have a history, I guess).
should I resort to role power to try to mandate my senior DR to apologize to the junior one?
what you really want is behaviour change. If the Senior DR doesn't apologise and they stop the unwanted behaviour, then you still have the result you are looking for. It doesn't have to be perfect, it just has to be effective.
Learning that you have overstepped and have to apologise is more than just a 1/2 hour cast. As simple as the message is, it is a major change in mindset and takes a certain level of maturity. Apologising for doing what you thought was right and appropriate can be very difficult and even realising that you have something to apologise for can take quite some time.
If they continue to act overly bossy, then continue to give them feedback. You dont want to sort their problem out with role power if can avoid it. They will just try and hide the conflict from you. You want to point out the problem, ask them to change, and let them sort it out for themselves.
Just thinking, the juniour DR could probably use some feedbck too on being more assertive.
hope that helps in some small way