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Submitted by dagmusic on



I am high ID and my high I direct really goes overboard when communicating that they're sick.

Stomachs are clutched, voice is weak, laying on the floor of the office..girlfriend sent for to see him home

"I think it was because I was sitting under the airconditioner during that meeting"

I think it is demonstrating

-avoiding deadlines 

- he's double booked something else and he's wanting to leave early

I also think

-it's laid on too thick

-it is unprofessional (ok he's a bloke and I'm a woman- seriously dude? You're a bloody wuss

I want to point it out in a manager toolish way

"When you clutch your stomach and moan it means your co-workers think you're weak and pathetic and over acting"

Ahh..someone help me! 


Kevin1's picture

I'd keep it really simple.

Can I give you some feedback?

When you clutch your stomach, moan and end up on the floor, it comes across as very unprofessional and is distracting your coworkers from their jobs at hand.

What can you do differently next time?


Expect to need to leave it with a shot across the bow.


hope that helps


mrreliable's picture

 If one of my directs acted like that I'd call an ambulance. Seriously.

If you say something like, "I wish you'd stop behaving like that," you might as well say, "I know you're faking it and lying about it." Is that really what you want to do?

If I was convinced a direct was intentionally putting on an act like they were deathly ill in order to manipulate me, I would have zero trust in that individual. If you're absolutely certain there is no medical basis for the behavior, how can you keep this person as an employee?

If you think there's any chance the symptoms might be real, you're dealing with a direct's medical emergency. I wouldn't want someone acting like that around my office. I don't want the entire crew to come down with the ebola virus or whatever nasty affliction this person picked up. I would need a doctor's statement explaining the situation and giving medical clearance for the inidividual before I would let them back in the door.

I'd take them seriously. Say, "You clearly have a major medical issue going on. You need to get it taken care of. See a doctor, get treated, and bring me papers showing you're medically cleared to come back to work. I hope you feel better soon."

You need to protect the rest of your workers.










lar12's picture
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I'm with MRRELIABLE on this one. The feedback model could put you and the company at risk, unless you're a medical doctor. If this happens again, call an ambulance. If the event is serious enough to draw this much attention, it's serious enough to be evaluated by a licensed  medical professional.



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Every definition of a successful life includes service to others - President George H.W. Bush



dagmusic's picture
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I realized why his behaviour irks me and it's because he is being groomed to be a leader.

i think the feedback model is the way forward did not demonstrate...





leadership to me and to your direct who witnessed this

you demonstrated sympathy seeking, attention seeking, catastrophizing,

If a leader is sick they behave differently to this right? I expect him to be Modelling that type of behaviour.

One of the other staff said...why doesn't he just go home?

it made me do I as a leader behave when I am I'll?

i don't make a big performance...If at the office I would hide my discomfort and be discreet and handle it either by going to the doctor or going home. 

I don't mug for sympathy. I try to never ever say I'm tired or talk about how I am feeling...I don't want to encourage moaning so I stop myself so as not to model that behaviour.


dagmusic's picture
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 I'll ask him who his leadership heroes are and how they would behave...and suggest he model that in the future.

he missed his one to one and I was actually going to mention he has a tendency to catastrophizing which I'd like him to watch out for and avoid

how is your day going?


Me..alarmed..thinking shit! What's happened!

You know that meeting wasn't properly cancelled

Me...but we had actually cancelled it right?

yes but some people didn't get the message and turned up!

But it all got sorted right? No harm done to our brand?

Yes but it was a bit awkward..

Me...heart rate subsiding...thinking this kid is inviting an actual real life problem like your child has leukemia (to me that's a real problem)






Wayne1's picture
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BLUF - Send your direct to the company doctor, for a letter stating that they are indeed fit to work, aka know as a 'fit to work cert'.

Let him know that you're concerned about his health and would like to make sure that there are no 'Serious' underlying health issues. If he is really sick this trip to the doctor should help him out, if he's not really sick, the trip will really help you out ;-).

I inherited a direct who had significant amounts of sick leave, all paid. This situation had gone on unchecked for years, all previous managers just let it slide. I sent him to the company doctor and you would not believe the list of conditions this direct had! He was so 'unfit to work' that it was a risk to the company to continue to employ him.

Best of luck with this,


dagmusic's picture
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 Thanks Wayne...will do...actually he also has a bad back and have asked him several times to go on the company's dime and time to get it sorted.

good advice!

dagmusic's picture
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 Thanks Wayne...will do...actually he also has a bad back and have asked him several times to go on the company's dime and time to get it sorted.

good advice!

Actually he hasn't done that...interesting

dagmusic's picture
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 It's his Appendix!

Yep he really was in pain.

Next subject after recovery is...the boy who cried wolf

If everything is emoted at to an 11 when a real 11 occurs it affects the behaviour of others who are slow to react because ..well you know the story of the boy who cried wolf









Wayne1's picture
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Happy to help. Yeah, the boy who cried wolf is a very apt little tale, perhaps the subject of your weekly team meeting ;-)

Hopefully he'll get it sorted and make a speedy recovery. 


mrreliable's picture

I am missing something.

All of your criticism seemed to be based on the assumption he was faking it. Why would a "Boy Who Cried Wolf" story be appropriate now?

What am I missing?

lefrinj's picture

...because if he's already been making a fuss every previous time there was any little sniffle, the assumption would then be that he was continuing to make a fuss over nothing this time.

In the story of the boy who cried 'wolf', the boy shouts 'wolf' when there is no wolf, until everyone started assuming he didn't mean it. The one time he did mean it, they didn't come. This is like that.

"I'm dying!" "No, you're not."
"I'm dying!" "No, you're not."
"I'm dying!" "No, you're not."
"I'm dying!" "No, you're not."
"I'm dying!" "No, you're not." "But I actually am!" "Oh."

mrreliable's picture

 OK. Now I get it. I thought the original post was describing a single episode rather than a pattern of behavior.