Submitted by jeniqdickens on
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I launched Feedback about a year ago and I'm still struggling with it. I avoid confrontation so this is not easy for me. I started off good with positive feedback, but then i get swamped with work and find that I don't have any positive feedback to share because I'm so busy I barely see my directs. Then something will happen that makes me want to give negative feedback and i'm really uncomfortable giving the negative feedback because I've fallen off the wagon.
Can someone give advice about how I can be more diligent about giving feedback, and how I can reduce the stress involved so I can continue to provide regular feedback. I'm a conflict-avoiding people pleaser so this is really a struggle for me.
Thanks,
Jennifer
In the Same Boat
Largely for the same reasons I struggle with negative feedback as well. My focus is on measurables and outcomes. So long as deliverables are on point I don't get too worked up about other behaviours. There's a part of me that knows I should, for example, give feedback when I notice a direct in a 30-minute personal conversation with a fellow employee during business hours. But if their deliverables are on point and it's a rare occurance I'll typically let it slide.
My other favorite is when a co-worker from outside my department comes to me with a complaint about a direct's behavior. "They spend too much time on the internet." or "They're smoking too close to the front door." I have one complaint from one person. That's not a pattern of behavior. I KNOW I should say something though. Even if it's just to let my direct know that perception is out there. But if it's not a pattern, and especially if I haven't observed it myself (admittedly my head is usally in my work), I find it deuce difficult to address it. It almost feels petty.
Often I'll address these sorts of things obliquely in and O3. But that's not immediate feedback. So I'm open to suggestions too!
Thanx
NFL
I would suggest that as a
I would suggest that as a manager, avoiding conflict is a negative behavior.
The feedback podcast has one of the best tips for management I've ever heard. Management is like driving a car. On your way to the destination, you'll make hundreds or thousands of very small adjustments in steering along the way. If you don't make those tiny adjustments, you'll end up with a catastrophe with your car in the ditch.
That's not to say you shouldn't have a threshold. Obviously you don't want to spend all your time giving feedback to directs for every little thing. You need to have some flexibility. On the other hand, you don't want to get into a situation where a behavior is becoming an ever-larger problem, but you avoid saying anything because you have let it go on for so long.
Personally, my threshold is whether I think I'll be concerned about the behavior tomorrow. If I can forget about it, I let it go.
Me too
" I'm a conflict-avoiding people pleaser so this is really a struggle for me. "
I'm the same way, and I struggle with these same things. Perhaps the three of us should form some sort of a support group!
Here's some tips that I've learned that help me on being more diligent with giving regular feedback:
That said, I am still not where I want to be with my feedbacks and I've been at it for a couple of years. My highest week is 18 feedbacks; well short of my weekly goal of 25, but a lot more than most managers do.
Regarding the reducing stress of giving negative feedback:
Again, as before, I'm not an expert and could stand to be a lot better. I still find myself shying away from situations that I perceive as confrontational, but in the times that I've had success, these have helped me.
What I was looking for
Now this is helpful. Thank you!!
P.S. Yes for the support group-- we could hold each other accountable. :) I'm on day 3 of this week and I've still given nothing this week. :(
Thank you
I've never thought to track feedback or set a goal for it. I will give it a shot!
The big stuff I've got a handle on. My department is the only one with 100% attendance and we're the only department that is consistently "condition green" on deliverables. I just have a bad habit of ignoring the water-cooler stuff - the minor corrections. If it's a measurable or has to do with company objectives I'm all over it. If it's a small personal behaviorism I tend to think, "Is this a pattern of behavior and if so can it significantly impact the company?" If so I address it in an O3 with specific measurables. If not I too-often think, "We've got work to do. Why bother with it?"
Because it's my job. It's what managers do. And I need to do it better. This is why I'm grateful for the Manager Tools community. You keep me honest.
Nice
The Manger Tools product called Roadmap gives you a nifty way to track feedback and one-on-ones. That's how/why we track.
It is very useful! Thank you
It is very useful! Thank you for this topic.
Monday Goals
OK, it's Monday. What are your goals for feedback today? I'm shooting for at least 2 positives.
15 this week
I'd like to hit 15 this week; 3 per day. I was on this pace a few weeks back and I fell off, so I would like to get back there. I got 11 last week, 8/3 pos/neg. Mondays usually start slow for me, but this week I've got a number that I could give. This is one of my problems: I recognize the ability to give feedback, and I sit with it in my mind until later. I walk through the conversation in my mind a few times, adding no real value. I need to be more spontaneous and give feedbacks quicker. Anyone else?
Obsessing
"This is one of my problems: I recognize the ability to give feedback, and I sit with it in my mind until later. I walk through the conversation in my mind a few times, adding no real value. I need to be more spontaneous and give feedbacks quicker."
I feel you!!!