Question on fitting in with my new team. I work for a large tech/engineering firm, and a couple of months ago I got a promotion to a management role, although I am one of the few in my new department who does not have directs (I'm a program manager). I understand the rule about working to fit in, and have been trying to do so. However, the team of managers I'm now on is very tight-knit and well, they're not letting me in.
I worried about this off the bat and hope it didn't sway my behavior: this team has known each other and worked together for years; they all are married with kids (I'm a divorced single parent). While they are fairly nice to me, as soon as the first week they would do things like go to lunch together without extending me an invite. I didn't pay much mind as I'm new and figured they had their routine. However, it's been over 60 days and it keeps happening. Strange, to say the least. I'm pleasant and friendly as far as I can tell; I'm not sure what else I can do.
The other issue is that as a program manager, I've got a few of their directs on my project teams. I believe in delivering positive feedback for jobs well done (I do always let their managers know, of course); that seems to have ruffled some feathers, as I don't think the people managers deliver much in the way of positive feedback. In a recent all-team meeting, one of the newer PMs took a moment to thank me for managing his recent project, he said he felt I was a great addition to our new department, which caused my coworkers in the room to shoot each other some looks, which I caught.
The person on my team who does the job most closely related to mine is a brilliant guy (strong engineering background and also great at project management, which is rare in our field), but tends to be overly negative and more than once I've heard him deliver negative feedback to team members openly. He is also quick with nasty comments about other team members behind their backs in meetings (I have zero doubt he's doled out plenty about me when I'm not there). This obviously isn't something I admire, but I refuse to get down in the mud with him and he's taken note of my insistence on changing the subject when he starts down this road.
I guess my question is, how do I "fit in" in a situation like this? As i move up the ladder, more and more folks are out for promotions and I've already had one idea stolen (I let it go but took note of who it was and won't be failing to cc my boss on any further emails regarding project ideas). How do I keep working towards acceptance while maintaining my own standards and beliefs (such as the importance of delivering positive feedback to project team members for jobs well done), without ruffling feathers and inspiring the ire of my coworkers?
Thanks in advance for any advice.