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I recommend listening to the Apology podcast. If you've already listened to it, listen again.

I recently apologized to a peer in another department and it went better than I thought. I said, "I apologize. I'm sorry for sending out the wrong info. and creating a confusion on your team." then I went into my corrective action.

My peer liked my corrective action and things seem better. He didn't say 'thank you' or 'no problem', so I'm not sure he accepted my apology. He was just concerned about my corrective action. Next time I can do better with a my "groveling" attitude.

HMac's picture

Hey 101 -
I enjoy your posts. I'm trying to figure out the "moral of the story" here...

Is it that you think you may have jumped too quickly from apology to corrective action, and therefore maybe precluded his chance to respond to the apology message?

Or are you concluding that you overdid the "groveling" because he was just concerned about the corrective action?

Or are you uncomfortable not being sure that he accepted the apology since he didn't verbally acknowledge it with a 'thank you' or a 'no problem'?

I've got no advice :) - I'm just interested in knowing what you learned from it, so I can learn on YOUR experience! :lol:

-Hugh

US101's picture

HMac - I enjoy your posts as well.

The lesson for me is simply - [b]Remember, apologizing is a good thing and can turn around a bad relationship.[/b]

Evidenced by yesterday, I was eating lunch at a restaurant and this same peer was walking by, he saw me and came right over to say hello and chit chat.

[quote]Is it that you think you may have jumped too quickly from apology to corrective action, and therefore maybe precluded his chance to respond to the apology message? [/quote]

Good question. I don't think so. I spoke slowly.

[quote]Or are you concluding that you overdid the "groveling" because he was just concerned about the corrective action?[/quote]

I didn't overdo the groveling. In fact, a little more groveling may have been called for.

[quote]Or are you uncomfortable not being sure that he accepted the apology since he didn't verbally acknowledge it with a 'thank you' or a 'no problem'?[/quote]

Yes, that's true. I really wanted to hear "thank you" or "no problem" but I told myself going into the converstation not to expect it, just like Mark says.

jhack's picture

And an apology can cement a good one.

Apoligizing is in fact a powerful act. Most people will respect you for it.

Consider: you may simply have stunned the person to whom you apologized, and he literally didn't know how to react.

John

HMac's picture

[quote="US101"]The lesson for me is simply - [b]Remember, apologizing is a good thing and can turn around a bad relationship.[/b]
[/quote]

Got it.

[quote="jhack"]Apologizing is in fact a powerful act. Most people will respect you for it.[/quote]

In fact, it's probably one of THE MOST powerful acts in that it shows vulnerability...

This is akin to Mark's "history of the handshake" where he points out that displaying an open hand was a way to show you were unarmed. I don't think it's too much of a stretch to link the two philosophically, and the remember that a well-timed show of humility or even vulnerability can do wonders for a relationship...

mmcleod741's picture

THIS is how you apologize.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=m7mIy97_rlo

"I offer a complete and utter retraction. The imputation was totally without basis in fact and was in no way fair comment and was motivated purely by malice, and I deeply regret any distress that my comments may have caused you or your family, and I hereby undertake not to repeat any such slander at any time in the future."

ashdenver's picture

I love that clip! I can see myself interpreting every apology I get in the future as a form of complete submission of the giver on the fear of imminent death at my hands.

Peter.westley's picture

I made a particularly difficult apology a few days ago. It was someone (a peer) with whose behavioural style I find very difficult to work.

I talked over them in a meeting, they blew up at me. I apologised and there's been a detectable improvement in the relationship since. They also took the opportunity to counter-apologise. A good result I think.

Apologies IMHO are among the top 5 things to do to build and maintain relationships.

I was asked about it privately by one of my directs who was also in the meeting and the direct couldn't believe I had apologised. My direct believed it was my peer's transgression not mine.

So not only did it prove useful in terms of the relationship with my peer, it also turned into a teaching opportunity with my direct.

Apologies? Love 'em!

Dusan's picture

Hi all, I have just been reading this thread and noted in the last reply a mention of [b]"talking over the top of others"[/b].

I have been reading this forum for over 2 years and have never made a post. So I joined this morning.

I have a big problem with my manager, he continually talks over the top of others and I need some advice on dealing with it.

Do I need to start a new thread to discuss this, or can I talk about this here?

Peter.westley's picture

Dusan,

Welcome to the forums!

I think that starting a new topic under communication would be fine.

It will get better visibility there. And your suggested topic is different to this one which is about apologising.

Peter

Dusan's picture

Thanks, I have started a new topic I will watch the forum over the next few days and see if get reply