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Last week I had to give some feedback to a sales guy who did not have the right behaviour in front of others in a meeting.

He asked me what I wanted him to do : change his behaviour or really change his mind?
I did not hesitate. I answered that I was asking him to change his behaviour
He was surprised. He asked me why I did not want him to change his mind.
I said I did not pretend to have control over his mind and that he was the only one to run his mind.
He then said : "but it is very difficult to have a behaviour which is not in line with what we think"
I answered : "Yes, you are probably right ... And vice versa."
He just smiled.

I think we can only give feedback on behaviour. And we can only ask for a change of behaviour.

I also think that, by changing your behaviour, you also change the way you think, over time. Try to smile and still be sad. Try to help someone and still hate him ...[/i]

jhack's picture

Cedric,

I agree: we can only give feedback on behavior. That's why the fourth step is so important: if they "think" what they need to do differently, then the behavior is likely to change.

John

cwatine's picture

Hi John-

You say [i]"That's why the fourth step is so important: if they "think" what they need to do differently, then the behavior is likely to change. "[/i]
I agree on that. But it doesn't mean that you ask them to THINK differently. You just can ask them to ACT differently.

Do you also agree on the fact that changing your behaviour can also change your mind over time? Does ACTING differently makes you THINK differently.
It is something I can experiment on myself, but I can't say on the others!

Cédric.

jhack's picture

Yes, Cedric, how you behave affects how you think. It's hard to be sad if you're smiling...

If you act nice, you'll start thinking nice...I've been experimenting with this while driving. Without divulging too much, I've been "nicer" behind the wheel (sorry, no list of my previous driving behaviors!) and I have started to think differently. I'm less in a hurry, less anxious. I now rarely think that I need to outrace the other guy.

John

svgates's picture

One of my mentors used to tell me "fake it 'till you make it" - his reminder of the effect you're describing.

Steven

cwatine's picture