I considered putting this in "Performance Management" because I received the feedback following a performance review but it's really more about how I communicate with my peers and superiors.
I've been with this employer for just over 4 yrs.
I spent 3 yrs working on a single account. The account required very little technical knowledge but a high level of organization and time management.
I was promoted twice while on that account, even though my productivity numbers and technical knowledged didn't truly meet the promotion standards. In that role I took on added challenges, took the lead on several projects that greatly enhanced the overall account management and was more-than-a-little responsible for the 30 point average increase in Quality Survey scores from the client (with 3,000+ contacts.)
In January of this year, I took a lateral transfer where I've been able to significantly increase my technical knowledge. I was also tremendously relieved to finally be working for the one manager in the division who's widely known to be "the best to work for."
Due to a recent (and on-going) internal, company wide, national restructuring / realignment, I've lost that boss and have been temporarily reassigned to another guy - who's well known for being a dry, numbers-focused guy who wears blinders and seems to miss most social subltety.
(This is now my 6th manager in 4 yrs, 2 jobs.)
Before departing for good, The Good Boss gave me my performance review. It was exactly as I expected it to be - no surprises. After reading the review through our intranet, I told him "I don't need to review the review with you but if you've got any parting wisdom to help me progress toward management, I'd appreciate that."
So our talk wasn't so much about the performance review itself as much as we talked about what my key focus items should be while working for this Blinders Guy and how best to interact with him. (Trust me, it's a challenge.)
The Good Boss said that one of the key things I need to work on is regulating my emotions and being more even-keeled.
I get it. I do. My problem is the level of intense frustration I have at this company.
I'm wondering if maybe I'm just really still resisting working for this huge-ass company. My whole career was spent at smaller places. The last (best) company I worked at started with 350 ee's and was up to 1,600 when I left just over a year later. Before that, another company was only 75 ee's. Back when I had The Title, the company was like 250 ee's. And before that was like 300 ee's.
Where I work now, there are over 40,000 ee's.
My old jobs -- I was more of a big fish in a little pond whereas here I'm a little fish in a global ocean.
Old jobs -- if something wasn't working right, I had the power to make the changes to fix it. Or I could go directly to those who COULD make the changes and things were small enough that it was a matter of a 3 min conversation while I stood at the door to their office as opposed to a Task Force and monthly meetings and assigning Regional Office Champions (ROCs), Subject Matter Experts (SMEs) and all the rest of the crap.
I've been on the fence about this job for the entire four years I've been here. I've known all along that I'm much more comfortable at smaller organizations. I've been trying to convince myself that this isn't a bad place to hang out for 15-20 years til retirement.
Within my first year of employment, I took 6 wks off with my Epstein-Barr thing. Then I took 4 wks off for my tonsils coming out. Each time I came back, I came back with the attitude of "I don't give a crap" and things went swimmingly.
It was like I didn't care that things were slow - work would get done in the very timeframe the company's actions said they were good with. Even if management and the clients were hopping up & down to get things done at warp speed, the company iteself is giving me a Model T. That means it's not really the company's priority to get things done efficiently so I should stop freaking myself out over the fact that I can't reach warp speed in an Edsel. I can only do what I can do.
And just saying that -- I can only do what I can do -- makes my skin crawl and I feel disgusted with myself. I feel like a huge slacker, undedicated, just collecting a paycheck, loser for saying that. It goes against the core of who I am.
Anyway ... the point of this really long post (sorry!) is that I'm not quite sure how to reconcile all of these things.
How do I deal with systemic sluggishness when my drive is to go at warp speed without getting frustrated, remaining on an even keel?
I'm a vent-er. I vent. I let it out and it's over with. If I don't let it out, it builds and builds and builds and then there's an explosion with serious shrapnel. I don't want to be an exploder but apparently it's inappropriate to be vent-er.
I don't know that it's really possible to change my core self -- let alone if I'd want to change who I am for a place I work.
I've been trying (started today) to be more lackadaisical but the forced ennui is frustrating me just as much as the system slowness. Argh!
How do ya'll care without caring too much? Without losing the desire to care at all?