Submitted by gusmac on
in
Forums
Hi,
I am a High I & High D and I am currently working in a project where I am working closely with another High I - for the sake of this discussion, lets call him Andy.
Andy is more senior than I and it has been a struggle to work with him. We get on well personally and work extremely well when it is just the two of us. The issue comes when we are in meetings with others - being a High I, Andy is very vocal and speak 50 words when 2 would do. He is very enthusiastic and if a question has been asked, does not wait a second before speaking...
I feel as if we are fighting for air time. When I get the floor and I am addressing a point - he finishes my sentences and buts in. As a result of all of this, I find myself talking a passive role in meeting and fading into the background.
The project that we are working on at the moment is extremely important to the company (Fortune Top 10 firm) and consequently there are lots of senior managers present. As a consequence of "fading into the background" - I feel that I am not maximising the opportunity to shine.
I have provided him with feedback on this and he has accept it and changes his behaviour - but it is often not long before he is back on it again. It is has become a routine - provide him with feedback and that will give me 1-2 days of 'normal' behaviour.
So the question I have to you all is - what can I do to remedy this situation.
Thanks
Challenges with Working with High I
Andy is more senior than you right? He probably feels more entitled to speak than you. Another problem is that you are offering feedback to a peer which has all kinds of problems associated with it.
PLEASE listen to the peer feedback podcast for clarification.
Challenges with Working with High I
Thanks for your comments. Regarding listening to the Peer Feedback model, I have done so and in providing feedback, I used the approach as described.
Regarding Andy being more senior - he is more senior by experience, but not rank. That said, I don't think this justifies this type of behaviour.
Challenges with Working with High I
You're dealing with natural behavior - that's why he keeps going back.
Instead of something vague like, "can you please give me some time to speak" - I would arrange your presentations so it's built in. You take section A and answer any questions on it. He takes B. If you tailor that to both of your strengths - you'll both shine.
If he's got more tenure, but you are peers - he may be dealing with some insecurity/territorial issues.
~Kathie
(A fellow high D/I)
Challenges with Working with High I
Sorry if I sounded flip gusmac. I just re-read my post and cringed a bit.
Kathie has a good suggestion about the agenda.
Challenges with Working with High I
Two thoughts to share:
1. The ratio of positive feedback to negative feedback should be about 90/10.
If I haven't given Andy loads and loads of positive feedback as part of building our relationship, getting a piece or three of negative feedback from me will mean little or nothing to him.
2. I can't expect to change my peer's behavior.
While the purpose of feedback is to "encourage effective behavior", I'm thinking that only applies to directs for whom responding to my encouragement impacts on their addiction to food, clothing & shelter.* For Andy, there's no downside to ignoring my feedback other than damaging our relationship. (Okay, if I were able to give him really good advice that would get his career to take off like a rocket, ignoring my advice has a downside. But I'm not that smart.) Instead of expecting Andy's behavior to change because of my feedback, I should think of my feedback as being like a trade-journal article that I copied for him. It's a token of my esteem that I take the time to do it, but I don't expect him to change how he operates just based on the journal article. And for sure I wouldn't give him another copy of the same article next week....
Okay, all that theory stuff is fun ... truth? I don't have a clue how to handle the situation. Looking forward to hearing from some of the wise ones out there ...
Steven
* I should probably send Mark a quarter every time I use "addiction to food, clothing & shelter," but it's such a good phrase I'd go bankrupt. Maybe limited use permissions are granted as part of the premium subscription?
Challenges with Working with High I
Meet with Andy before the meeting, and come to an agreement. Make it clear that you love working with him, but that you both need to shine. You want to make him look good, and you want you to look good. You don't want him to look like he's hogging the limelight. So just tell him that you each should answer the questions directed to you, and that you should [i]not [/i] interrupt each other.
You will both violate that agreement.
Then, whenever you can in the meeting, PRAISE ANDY. Give him the praise while YOU ARE TALKING. He'll love for you to talk.
And....Outshout him. It can work. Just keep talking, louder and louder and louder. Don't let him interrupt. Say, "ANDY! Thanks Man! I got it!"
You're both high I's. Just go for it!
John (You guessed it, I'm a High I)
Challenges with Working with High I
Hi gusmac,
I'm only beginning to browse the forums, so I only came across this now.
I had to smile about the "fading into the background" - is there anything worse for an "I"? :wink:
I was wondering if you made any progress on this? I can imagine it's frustrating to keep addressing the subject, without any (permanent) results.
What about asking him for advise, as in, "If you had a peer who makes you feel bad by constantly putting himself in the spotlight and really tries to change that, but it never lasts any longer than 2 days - what would you do to help him make a permant change?" :wink: (Maybe in less words..)
He's senior and likes to be asked for advise I guess, so he'll probably come up with something good or at least he'll get that it's really an issue.. Hopefully.. ;-)
Anja
Challenges with Working with High I
gusmac - I'm also a High D / High I - and there's a sprit to some of John's recommendations that I want to underline: have some FUN with it!
High I's LOVE to mix it up - especially when there's a spotlight involved. Sometimes I think my High D is the "no fun cop" to my High I.
Try to make a game out of it: the person who interrupts the most buys the beer. The person who interrupts the least gets to keep a 90 cent trophy bought at a local party supply store.
Look - you've tried reasoning, and you've tried rules. Doesn't work. Now try fun.
-Hugh
Challenges with Working with High I
Buy him a talking stick. The one who holds it gets to talk.