I have been studying the MT podcasts for coaching soft skills. I have, unfortunately, let a situation go on too long and need to put a stop to it. One of my employees is often extremely rude to co-workers. I've brought it up a number of times, but it's still ongoing.

Based on the MT podcast, I plan to address listening skills first, which is a major issue with this person (known to walk away in the middle of someone talking to them).

One of my struggles is that often this behavior happens when I'm not around. Other co-workers have complained about this person's behavior. I hate to create an atmosphere of tattling on one another, but being rude when the boss is away is totally unacceptable.

My current plan is to occasionally ask those people who have complained about this person's behavior in the past. Ask them if they see this behavior improving. I hate to do it, but it's the only option I see.

But does anyone have any better advice? How to enforce not being a jerk when the boss is not around? We are a very small organization and the person in question is the only other full-timer and the person in charge when I'm not here.


pucciot's picture
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BLUF :  Set the tone for all of your DR's that relationships matter.  Set Goals for the whole team at the individual level they are ready for.

Hi - I have dealt with this and it takes some time.

It is also a thankless job.
The changes are small - and only a few people will notice them

Remember the aphorism that MT shows us, that the first step to not being a jerk is to stop being a jerk.
Which means, that is about all you can expect from an employee that just doesn't get it.
And that is a significant step forward.

It is important that you don't appear to be unfair.
With my directs I first started to set out a team marketing campaign.
Performance = Positive Results & Positive Relationships

* At a staff meeting I explained what I mean by that -- I can send you the PowerPoint slides if you want them

* I repeat myself and the concepts at each employee's One on One.

* I put up the a sign in the breakroom : Performance = Positive Results & Positive Relationships

* I repeated the mantra at the end of every staff meeting.

* When the next Annual Appraisal and Goal Setting time came I asked staff members to set an annual goal for 

A Goal for Relationships - could be as simple as watching a Soft Skills Webinar or Listening to an M-T Podcast
Or it could be more advanced such as Organizing the Annual Awards Dinner.
Committee Work - Fundraisers - Running Meetings - etc.

You will find that your DRs that are good with Relationships will be happy to do the more advanced work.
And that your DRs that are not so good will grudgingly merely watch a webinar.

And that is OK - for them it will be baby steps --- and they will make small improvements over time.  - Don't expect leaps and bounds -- Be happy with small progress.


There is a general idea that we should always maximize our DRs strengths and only try to mitigate their weakness.  That is all that you should do here.  ---  Just get them to stop being jerks --- Don't expect them to become rock star relationship builders.


and --- Because you have set this out as an Annual Goal you will make them accountable for doing it.

Be patient -  they will not like it and you will feel resistance ---  And your will see positive results - every so slightly, and they will never admit it.

And that is OK.


Please Direct Message me if you want to discuss it more.

Good Luck



Jollymom's picture

This is indeed helpful - real based experiences. Theories can say all in and out, but actual experience and application shows how to adjust a few concepts relatively helpful to the organization.