Submitted by TNoxtort on
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My new boss is telling me an E-mail to my old boss was too direct, but I was direct because my old boss is D-I and I was trying to follow what that recent podcast said about matching the E-mail to the person. How do I respond to the feedback?
DETAIL:
I have posted over the past few years about issues with my job and boss. Mark even said that this boss is a bad boss. In August she lost all her reports but still had a dotted line to me, and in the last week, I now have a new boss.
My old boss is D-I (and extremely fearful), so her E-mail style would be D. She writes what she wants in subject lines, and if she does have a body to her e-mail it rarely includes her name or the recipient's name.
This old boss had scheduled a meetong on Wed. She also had proposed postponing the meeting unless we got data on Monday. We did get it late Monday, a huge amount, so she wanted to have the meeting. She sent something that I felt misinterpreted the data, and I felt I needed more time to put in a way so everyone could look at it. I wanted to postpone the meeting. I wrote my E-mail asking that we postpone it (bottom line up front), listing in bullet form just how big the data was, and then listing questions (in bullet form) about some of the things she said, being careful to use "and" and not use "but" or "however." I copied my new boss and some others on the team.
I wrote the E-mail exactly as if she was writing to me (which I find slightly rude). If it were me, I would have preferred reasons first, then decision. But "D" doesn't like that, so I did it this way, for her.
My new boss just called and said my E-mail was too direct and I need to manage the relationship with my old boss better. My new boss is closer to my style so yes, if it was me or her, I would have done that. I know Mark is not big on going against feedback, or good intent, but I had a reason for how I phrased it, based on their podcast, so how do I explain that to my new boss?
I think you don't explain it
Thank your boss for the feedback, and that you'll take it on board. If your new boss is reading the e-mail you're sending, then you're communicating with her as well. It is valid to take her communication style into account as well.
Unless your new boss is a DISC and MT convert, you're unlikely to be able to give a sufficiently persuasive accounting of DISC and the theory of tailoring your communication. Trying that is unlikely to end well. I think it's best to show how well your method works, rather than trying to tell.
My interpretation of your
My interpretation of your boss' comment (based on what you've written) is that since you were writing as a high D, not your natural style, your email may have sounded a little more confrontational than would be effective when making a request of someone higher up. If that is the case, then she is giving you good advice.
Mark also says something along the lines of we should not try to be the other person when using DISC, but just try to move closer to how they communicate. It may be in trying to be more like your old boss in the email, that you came off has being too high D.
If I myself wanted to request to postpone a meeting and was writing to a high D, my email would just say "We've received far more data than originally anticipated. Could we postpone the meeting two days so that I can prepare better for everyone? Thank you for considering this request. Respectfully, Doris O" Just 3 short sentences. No bullet points, no other information.
I agree with Matt that if you are writing to a group of people that both bosses' styles may need to be taken into account. I haven't yet listened to the podcast about DISC and groups but wonder if there is information in that podcast that might apply here. I'm also (most of the time) fairly cautious. in most situations when I want to recommend that we do something different than what a senior person has publicly stated, I usually write to them privately so I'm not putting them on the spot. Though as a high D/C my natural tendency is to just blunder ahead oblivious to people's feelings.
Doris
7136
getting feedback is great
I would thank my new boss, explain that I always try and amend my communication style based on whoever you are talking to and that you think/felt this was the most appropriate style here. And that you would appreciate further feedback if they feel you aren't adjusting correctly