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Submitted by ckupski on
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Over the years, I have worked on being less reactive to situations, especially being less blunt when I disagree. I am a high D.  I've gotten pretty good at taking a moment and being careful about my words. Manager Tools has also helped and I'm a much better communicator now then ever.

However, I still struggle with my emotions at times, especially in high stress situations. If I am extremely upset, I find that my voice will get shaking and I sound and sometime feel as though I am going to cry. I hate it. I wish I had some tools to help me remain calm, to say what I need to say, without emotion.

Does anyone have tips or tools that have helped them work through anything like this?

edcrawfordlv's picture

I'm High D as well.  I don't like the touchy feely solutions usually presented in traditional communication improvement "helps".   However, the book Crucial Conversations, recommended elsewhere on manager-tools, appeals to my high D way of thinking.  It still has some non-high D stuff -- turns out that you have to talk to people to communicate (sigh j/k).  The strategy and methods are logical and task oriented and so it makes sense in my mind.

 

http://www.amazon.com/Crucial-Conversations-Talking-Stakes-Edition/dp/00...

 

ckupski's picture
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Thank you for your response and the book recommendation. I read the first 3 pages on Amazon and it sounds like the exact right thing. I'll be purchasing it tonight.

jacksal's picture
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Read it awhile back and need to revisit and work on implementing it in practice. I struggle with providing feedback which can be confrontational at times and I am a high S, so your not alone as a high D.

Vital Smarts are rolling it out in Australia and I am attending a preliminary conference next week and hopefully the course somewhere down the track.

Cheers Allan :) 3365

naraa's picture
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 Crucial conversations is a great book.  It may help you to control your emotions as it gives you a safe way to handle disagreements.   So if you are upset you could in your mind think crucial conversations and start implementing the steps recommended.  

What also helps to control your emotions is acceptance.  We usually do the opposite, we try to fight and repress them.  Best thing is when you catch yourself changing your voice, observe the changing of your voice, observe the shaking, see what it is that is making you feel that way, don't argue with it but acknowledge it, and then say ok, I am allow to feel upset, breath in breath out and you will get out of it.  Start practicing one minute meditation by focusing on your breath and acceptance of what is, and soon enough you won't even get to the alteration of your voice.  Video on one minute meditation:

http://m.youtube.com/watch?v=F6eFFCi12v8&desktop_uri=%2Fwatch%3Fv%3DF6eFFCi12v8

GlennR's picture

Crucial conversations is a very good book.

Consider this as well.

When you find yourself in this situation. Stop cold. Other than taking a deep breath, don't say or do anything until you have counted to 10. If necessary look down at your hands and examine each finger, one after the other to buy you some time.

Once you have wrestled your emotions back under control,take another deep breath, then calmly respond taking care to keep your voice and tone normal or low.

The above scenario assumes you're in a face to face meeting with one or more people. If you're on a conference call with no video, consider getting up and walking around for a few seconds until you compose yourself.