Dealing Professionally with Spouse's Fear of Sickness

Here's my suggestion. I should add that my wife has not been well, but of the differents sort. My wife (no kids) has been slowly getting worse due to an unknown disease. 40+ doctors / 22 months later, I figured out she has a new form of a rare disease. They have started her on a treatment and she is getting better, but no idea if she'll ever get back to full.

First think about what is important to you, and think about what is needed of you. If your wife has bad news from the doctor, will she need you right away? Or can a close female friend substitute. Next, is I'm like you, I hate to cancel at the last minutes. However, I think it is perfectly acceptable to cancel for the health of a family member. I remember when I had to cancel  a presentation I was given because we were stuck on a train coming back from a doctors's office. My coworkers weren't too concerned, and as soon as I said it was for my wife's health, they insisted I did the right thing and would have scolded me had I not!

Finally, the last thing I recommend you consider is hiring outside help for the household stuff. We have a cleaner that comes in every two weeks which is great. My wife just got approved where the government is paying for her to have a personal assistant, who starts tomorrow, who will help with light cleaning, grocery shopping, prep for meals (I do the cooking), and cleaning her medical devices. Through websites like care.com, checking with friends, you might be able to find someone, even if it is short term and you'll have to pay for it.

Then, you can also prepare a short summary of what you're planning to discuss with your boss and boss's boss, so if you can't make that meeting, you can send them a summary. Perhaps you can then still make the 2 PM internal interview if your wife can be with a female friend?

My wife's health issues have definitely thrown a monkey wrench in our plans, especially with the sheer number of doctors appointments, the organizing of medical records, fighting with the insurance companies, and the fact that no one could figure out why. I've been able to manage it all pretty well, and it's tested my time management and organization skills. So I hope I can provide some tips on balance it all. One day I'm planning to write a book too.

Firstly, I wish you all the luck in the world that this turns out to be something the doctors can treat and your wife returns to normal.  The stress of a seriously ill spouse can be tremendous.

Have you listened to the Managing Through a Personal Crisis Part 1 and Part 2 casts?  I think you'll find them helpful.

  Good luck,
--Michael

I'm sure this is unnecessary for you, but for anyone else out there who may harbor doubts, keep in mind that family comes first.  Once you believe that, the stress from situations like this diminishes although it doesn't entirely disappear. Someone older than me once told me that balancing a family and a career is like walking bare-footed on the edge of a razor blade. No matter which direction you move, you're going to get bloody.

Today I am telecommuting from home because my 13-year old is sick and out of school. I will be somewhat less productive than I would have been if I had been in the office, but I'll persevere. Fortunately, I have the corporate culture and the boss who allows me to do that. That's a key reason why I'm a highly engaged employee. The company has shown me loyalty in times of serious health problems in my family and I return that loyalty daily.

I wish you and your wife the best.

The only thing I would add is to make sure you keep the people at work informed about the situation. Instead of simply canceling meetings and interviews at the last minute, tell your interviewer, boss, and boss's boss now about the potential need to cancel with little notice.

They will appreciate not being surprised by the cancellation, and they may voluntarily reschedule to a time that will work better for you.

I wish you and your wife the best, too.

flexiblefine
Houston, Texas, USA
DiSC: 1476

Imagine this - your direct acts secretive, cancels meetings last minute and is eratic suddenly.  You suspect he is job-searching.  Later on, you find out he had a personal situation.  Would you feel let down that they chose to hide that information from you, despite all your work during O3's and relationship building efforts.  Why is your boss so different?

At this point you are asking for a couple of accomodations / flexibility on scheduling.  You don't need to share each gory detail of the ailment, just that you have something urgent & personal to attend to.  Experienced bosses and future bosses that are worth working for -- they will get it.

Try as we might to exclude it - life inserts itself into 9 to 5 once in awhile.

I hope it is a false alarm.  Best Wishes. D.