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Submitted by JD_Newk on


Two of my directs (both high D's, as am I) have taken to pointing out flaws to my management or choices in emails to myself and the other four directs I have.  One example is where I invited all my directs to a review and feedback for the group, but didn't include contract and contingent workers.  Instead of the simple reply to me asking if I wanted to include those groups, it was reply all.  A few weeks later I sent a more stating the deadline for our employee engagement survey was the 28th of March.  Again reply all no there was a note that it's been extended to the 4th of April.  This week I had an all level meeting with my group to share projects and for people to see the rest of the group.  This was the first of this kind for us so I offered that I'd be looking for feedback and I had already scheduled one every 3 months for the group.  5 minutes after the meeting was over I had an email from one of these directs asking how I'd like suggestions and feedback on the meeting. I let her know she could either so by or we could review in staff.


Today I get a note that included all my staff with a list of 11 items that I should do better in the future for these meetings.  All comments were related to how I ran meeting ( Jody should have showed goals to set pace, contact contingent should not have been included because didn't relate, Jody should have introduced to start, Jody should have shown o rt g chart, entire ppt should have been reformatted for consistency, wrap up wasn't properly closed)...


Then I find out that this same report was saying in a meeting while referring to me that " he wouldn't listen to me anyway why bother)...  Last one is obvious feedback, but I'm interested in thoughts on other behavior.  She is 25 and I know it's a lack of majority and I know I have role power, but I'm concerned with it influencing others attitude if I don't respond.  There have been a few other similar incidents and I have been hesitant to respond so I don't come across to strongly.


All thoughts are welcome.




olverson's picture

Hi Jody,

Are you currently doing one-on-ones, feedback, etc.?  That's definitely where I would start.  The "Manager Tools Basics" group of podcasts is an excellent resource.







torquilh's picture

Hi Jody,

Just to add to Olverson's reply, which I agree with.

Try not to take it personally and deal with every situation as if there was no negative intent (there is a podcast for that - assume positive intent). The reason for this, is if you start to get down on the negativity of the emails or comments, you may start to look for more, where none is present.

Keep upbeat and positive and know that no matter what happens, it is something you can deal with. Yes, feedback would work, but remember that you should not attempt to give feedback unless you can chuckle about it when giving it, the same would apply here and would reduce any tunnel vision on your problem.

As Olverson suggested, the trinity is the way to go here. Your directs will come round, once your intentions to do good are known among the group.

Good luck, post back some updates :-)



JD_Newk's picture
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Thanks for the suggestions, I have been doing O3's, but the relationship still has a long way to go.  I have listened to the podcast on heart and feedback... don't do it if you feel you have to... but I did it anyway.  It was behavior that has been visible to others, and is raising other attention (she has turned down assignments from my boss, or pushed him off to later weeks when he needs it this week)

I did give her feedback at her 1-1.  phrasing was can I give you some feedback, she said sure, and I said when you ask me for a direction and don't follow it by going a different direction, it makes me doubt if you will follow direction in the future.  She said she was trying to be efficent and manage the time more effectively in the team meeting.   I said, I understand, but I wanted to have the conversation.  She ended up getting upset and didn't understand why I didn't want her doing that.  She walked out of the 1-1 upset, and I didn't follow her, I figured she was upset and needed some time.

The next day, I received a note from her appologizing and telling me she just wanted to do her job.  I've since had some interactions and a few 1-1's since.  I have worked with her without an issue, other then today her pushing back to my boss saying she didn't have time to do some work.  I've given her a bit of positive feedback in the last few weeks on things she is doing well, trying to get comfortable again with the process.  


Basically, I have a long way to go.