Giving feeback to someone outside of your control

 The peer feedback model is designed for such a situation: 

http://www.manager-tools.com/2006/10/the-peer-feedback-model

Of course, you want to avoid conflict with your peer.  You should have a good relationship with all your peers.  Make sure you take the time to meet with them, go to lunch, help them solve their challenges. 

If things are not ideal, there's this:  http://www.manager-tools.com/2007/02/handling-peer-conflict-when-your-di...

John Hack

First, you need to build a relationship with that peer. Like John said, lunch is a good way to get to know them first. Once you have a relationship, then you might be able to open up discussions about that peer's direct.

Stay away from characterizations though. Tell someone they are "Smug" and the response will be "no I'm not." You've got to be able to pin down a visible or audible action that is not in question. When this person "rolls their eyes" or "looks away from the person talking" or "crosses their arms when someone else it speaking"

I would teach my direct the peer feedback model, as described in the previously posted podcast.  I would also have them practice in front of you a few times, while you give them coaching and feedback on how they will deal with 'their peer'.  This is, of course, if you don't have any real issues with your peer. 

I would try to let the lowest level handle it as is feasible.  No sense in getting 'higher levels' involved.  As stated above, though, I would reach out and try to develop that relationship. 

Remember that their 'smugness' might just be someone behaving 'normally' in their DISC profile.  Watch their behaviors, if possible, and look for ways that you will be able to relate to them in their 'native DISC tongue' per se.

~12string~

I have one direct who seems to want me to be the hall monitor. She asked me to speak to people in other departments about not standing in a group chatting & laughing near her cubicle.

I asked whether she had said anything herself; she had only tried once, and the way she said it, they might have thought she was only kidding around.

This isn't the only instance; when I first became manager she wanted me to say something to "everyone" about cleaning up the break room after themselves.

Am I correct in thinking these aren't things that ought to be escalated to the manager level? I feel like she's got somewhat unrealistic expectations of the work environment and she wants me to go around making everything perfect for her.

> Am I correct in thinking these aren't things that ought to be escalated to the manager level?

Yes. I recommend encouraging your direct to use the peer feedback model.

Glad to see you with us in the forums Terri.