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Hi,

    Could you guys help me on reducing the following achievement?

I think it's too big. Maybe remove the technologies ...

-> Reduced 50% in Budget cycle time and expenses of the second largest private bank in Brazil by designed and implemented Budget Solution as Solution Architect using Hyperion Planning, Essbase, Financial Data Quality Management (FDM), Data Relationship Management (DRM or MDM ), Oracle Data Integrator (ODI). I also did activities and resources planning required for the project. Major Budget Project on Oracle in 2013(3.5 million dollars).

 Thank you

Riani

mattpalmer's picture

I'd drop everthing after the first sentence, and select either the acronym or the full product name (whichever is more recognisable in your field.  If two or more of those tools are often used together, I'd consolidate them down into one, as well.  Also drop the "second largest private bank in Brazil" bit (if you worked for them directly, you don't need to mention them again; if you were a consultant to them, it's not that important).  Finally, watch your grammar -- it should be "designing and implementing".  English is weird.

 

riani's picture

Thank you very much Matt. I've followed your guidance and I also moved the technical words to responsabilities. Below achievement updated: (sorry for my english)

•    Reduced 50% in Budget cycle time and expenses by designing and implementing Solution as Solution Architect.

Thanks again

Riani

mike_bruns_99's picture
Licensee BadgeTraining Badge

Make sure you communicate the distinction between your achievements and the project's achievements. And, percentages are not nearly as effective as real numbers.   Your achievement is better, but it leaves me with the following questions:

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50% in Budget cycle time sounds good, but how was it calculated?  Maybe they were able to cut their annual budget cycle from 6 weeks to 3 weeks using the solution, but do I want to possibly waste my time on an interview to get an answer to the question.   Also, 50% is a very round number, sounds like a guess.

50% reduction in expenses?  How was that calculated?  Did it save the company $3 million or $3 thousand dollars?  How likely is it that both cycle time and expenses were BOTH reduced by 50%. Again, it sounds like a guess.

I wonder what Riani's role was on the project. He said Solution Architect and "designing and implementing", but that could mean anything. Was he the main project manager, did he gather the and refine the business requirements?  Or did he just update a program or two.  Again, do I want to talk to him?  I have more questions than answers.

Let's move on, not worth the interview time.

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You mentioned moving the technical words to responsibilities. Be careful to avoid "buzzword bingo". Sure, include one or two "key" technologies. But avoid listing everything. 

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Sorry if this sounds direct or unfair. Resumes and interviews are just a way to find reasons to say no to a candidate.

riani's picture

Thanks Mike. I'm going to review considering your points. Feel free to put your comments. it's not sound bad for me. :-)

I have some questions about "communicate the distinction between your achievements and the project's achievements"

It's the project's achievement.

Riani (me) was team member who

- gather the and refine the business requirements and then I design all budget solution.

- Also act as technical person helping on implementing the proposed solution.

That said, do I have to change the achievement?

Thank you very much!!!

Riani

mike_bruns_99's picture
Licensee BadgeTraining Badge

Riani,

The key is to clearly communicate your role and accomplishments. I want to know what YOU did, not necessary what the project did.  I'll use a sports analogy:

"Member of national team who reached the world-cup football/soccer semi-finals"

That's great, but I need to know what YOU did. Were you the Coach?  Starting Forward, Trainer, Equipment Manager, Team Scout, etc.

 

"Member of national team who reached the world-cup football/soccer semi-finals as a Team Scout"

That's great, but how did your actions contribute to the team's success?   Did you study the films of your opponent's leading scorer, designing a defense holding him scoreless so that your team won the match?   

That's what you need to tell the reader. What YOU did to to ensure the team's (or project's) success.