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Submitted by jardena on
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Is there a podcast on how to handle people who are rambling?  I often struggle with this because some people don't even take a breath where you might be able to stop them. 

There are a few times where this happens:

1)  In a meeting.  It eats up meeting time.  Also the person may jump topic to topic, without you being able to close out the first topic.

2)  A higher up.  Sometimes a higher up gets you trapped in their office and starts a long chat session.  On the one hand, you want to build a relationship with this person and they seem to be confiding in you, but on the other hand, you have work to do.

3) Could be a peer or direct report, in which case it's a little easier.  But still sometimes awkward to get them out of your office. 

 

Thanks for your help!

ashdenver's picture

I, too, would like some insight on this one.  My counterpart is a rambler and one of his team rambles worse than he does.  It drives me up the wall and irritates most of my team when we're on a joint call with his group - which happens weekly (30 mins) and monthly (90 mins.) 

Mark's picture
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There are two ways to approach this.  One is role based, one is manners-based.  Lest you assume that one is better...it's not, necessarily.

It's always appropriate to excuse oneself - even from one's boss - using the manners-based approach.  (Meetings excluded for now).  How do you do that?

"Would you please excuse me?"  This is an effortless, gracious, polite and delicate way to extricate oneself from a rambling discourse.  You can act as if you have forgotten something.  You can act as if you’re late for something.  You can step away to make or take a phantom cell phone call. Yes, you CAN use this approach with your boss.  It has a teensy bit of risk, but at the point at which you believe she is rambling, you're certainly not building a relationship.  Would I use it with my boss?  Yes, but decidedly less frequently than I would with others.  (Though, to be fair, I use it with others ALL THE TIME.)

This works everywhere but in a meeting (again, special case, more below).

The role-based approach is different, though simple.  If you're with your boss, let him go. If you're with a peer, use the manners-based approach. If you're with a direct, use the manners based approach, and say, "Would you please excuse me?"

Now, you say, AHA MARK!  What you're saying is manners for everyone else but our boss, and then defer to his role power!  Just admit it, it's manners or boss.

Well, okay, I'm not saying that, but I take your point.  The reason I say this is the role based approach is because there's an extra step in the manners based approach with our directs that isn't there with peers.  And it's feedback.  If one of our directs is the offender, we have a professional obligation to make some notes about their rambling, and then hare those with them as professional development.

Now, meetings (and joint calls, Ash).  You can't excuse yourself, usually.  Well, you CAN...but there are consequences, yes?

If you're in the meeting, and you have no power of process, and there are no ground rules, and no leader willing to do what it's reasonable to expect of her, then you simply interrupt.

You simply interrupt.  "Bob, I'm sorry, but can I get us back on track here?  We're trying to do X, and I'm a little worried about time..."  Followed by a summary not of what they were talking about, but rather where you think the meeting was.

You simply interrupt.  "Anna, I'm sorry to interrupt, but I'm worried about time and some other meetings.  Where we were...."

In both cases, we make eye contact during the first sentence, and look AWAY from the offender during our second sentence.  Ideally, we make eye contact with those who we believe will agree the rambler is a problem, and encourage them with our direct gaze to contribute immediately after we finish so that we do not lose ground to the  rambler again.  And,  if we can, use someone else's name and a previous comment of theirs to throw the ball right to them.  Once the second person starts talking, the rambler's done.

And the REAL solution?  Run the meeting with ground rules and an honest to gosh agenda, which naturally limits such beautifully.