Just Completed My FIRST one-on-one!!!

It's simple and so powerful.  The best part, perhaps, is that one on ones are enjoyable.  

Hat tip!  

John Hack

You said: " He even gave me adjusting feedback on another engineer and in turn confirmed what I had already been thinking about his work style."

What does that mean?  The way I read it, your O3 DR complained about something someone else was doing and you nodded your head in agreement.

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DiSC profile: 7-2-1-5

Not to put too fine a point on it, but around here, the term feedback is used in a specific setting: "May I give you some feedback? When you do X, what happens is Y. Thanks, keep it up / What could you do differently" so when I see your clarification, it just strikes me as gossip. 

Your O3 DR wasn't giving you feedback, he was gossiping.  Feedback would be about you and how you're doing, what happens when you allow loner behaviour, etc. Gossip is telling you what the other guy is doing.  So this would, in my mind, be a good opoortunity for you to give this O3 DR some coaching on how he could handle the situation - unless he's asked you outright to intervene on his behalf.  A simple "What would you like me to do with this information?" would be enough to get the ball rolling.  

• Maybe he just wants to vent and feel heard - he might sleep better knowing that "the new boss has been put on notice" about this other guy. 
• Maybe he wants you to go shake up the other DR and force him to let this O3 DR "into the sandbox to play."  
• Maybe he wants you to teach him how to handle situations in which he feels marginalized.  
• Maybe he wants you to wave your magic wand and turn the other DR into a completely different person who doesn't shut people out. 

You don't know until you open that door for discussion.

If he doesn't know how to handle it, if he's feeling frustrated, it's a great time to work with him on problem solving skills, handling crucial conversations and building relationships that will serve to further the team's profile in the company.

By saying "Yeah, I noticed that too. Don't worry about it - he's like that with everyone. I'll work with him" you're essentially engaging in gossip yourself.  You're talking about that other guy - not your O3 DR's behaviour, not your behaviour.  An O3 only has two people: you and the O3 DR.  Talking about other people is verboten, in my book. When my DR's would try to pull that with me, it immediately turned into a problem-solving session and they would get a litany of questions back from me:

• What have you tried?
• What worked? What didn't? Why do you think it didn't work?
• What do you think you could try next?
• What do you want from me?
• How does this impact you?
• If you accept this as his style, how can you work around it?
• What can you do differently next time to avoid being marginalized?

I always try to keep things focused on the big picture and the individual O3 DR.  The particulars of other people aren't fodder for discussion. We can certainly discuss how those behaviours from others impact us (the two of us, the team, the division, the company) but it's done in a way that's focused on rising above gossip.  "Let's make this a win-win situation."  "Let's see what we can come up with so you position yourself better next time."  "Let's see if we can schedule some time to do some role-play for some of these crucial or sensitive conversations." 

Telling me is all well and good but truly remarkable contributors, IMO, have the conversations directly with the individuals and smooth things out, grease the wheels, build the networks, get buy-in, develop the relationships, learn how to work the system. Coming to me is an okay first step but if you work for me, you're going to learn how to do all of those things because my goal is for none of my DRs to need me at all! 

That may sound silly - "Why would she want to put herself out of a job?" - but it's not about job security.  It's about my own promotability.  I can't tell you the number of times I've heard "Well, we don't want to lose you - you're so valuable in your current (contributor) role."  Big deal. If a manager is worth a dang (IMO, of course) they are coaching, guiding and mentoring their DR's so that each & every one of them can be promoted.  The more fully developed your DR's are, the better you look - and the more likely it is that higher-ups can say "Goldberg, you've done great here but we've got something better for you. Do you think DR #1 is ready to take over the team?"  If you've got no one who could step in, if your team falls apart if you miss a day at the office, you're essentially consigning yourself to that job FOREVER.  (If you're lucky, you'll be in that job forever.  If you're not lucky, you'll be out on your ear for failing to develop your team.)

*two cents of ramblings*  Take it for whatever it's worth to ya ...

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DiSC profile: 7-2-1-5

Well done, JG. I'm coming off my first week of O3's as well. I've been a listener for a year and a half and finally got my feet wet.

I'm fired up at the response my team gave me. Although, each one thinks they'll have nothing for me at the next one. We'll see ;).

I'm still learning (and always will be). O3s are great, and congratulations to you both on making a transition to a management behavior that rarely exists. Bravo!

Janet

Hi

Just wanted to chime in on this thread to say that I've just done my first 2 weeks of O3's and I'm so grateful to MT for the idea!

I'm starting slowly and not trying to change the world as I'd never heard of them before and they've never been part of any corporate culture I've been part of .. as soon as I heard about them I wondered how I could survive as  a Manager without doing them ... and after a month of planning and 2 weeks of doing I know I made the right choice.

I have a total of 9 directs, 4 new people (hired since May this year) and 5 others. I see the 4 new people every week and the others every other week. The new people are openly grateful for the time I spend with them and to my great surprise and delight the others are also positive and sharing things ... and this just would not have been possible without this special O3 time.

So just to say thanks ... 

Jane

I'm mid-way through my first week of O3's, and it's hit and miss so far. I've had one go spectacularly well, another not well at all (the figurative "arms crossed approach") and a third somewhere in between. I'm going to chock the less-than-stellar ones up to people not knowing what to expect, and will look forward to things getting better in future weeks. The good one was good enough to reinforce in my head that this is definitely the way to go

So thanks guys, for giving the manager onboarding training to make up for my organisation's "sink or swim" training philosophy

Way to go, Mooyootoo! I think your decision to give your two directs a pass is excellent. A little grace when implementing change can go a long way.

Keep it up,
Dani

...achieves perfection every single time. Here are four questions you might ask yourself after you conduct an 03:

• What did I like about what just happened?
• What will I do differently next time?
• What obstacles did I face
• What additional resources do I need?

It's a  mini-hotwash.

 JG, Janet and Mooyootoo

Way to go. 

My first MT O3s were awkward, sort of like when I first roller-skated or rode a bike, but I knew I was on to something good. Mark often says the first time you do something, you suck at it. That has proved to be an immutable law for me.   

Like most of the MT tools -- O3s are simple, but not easy and really pay off. As a high D, the sessions have invaluable in improving my communication and relations with Cs and Is in our group. Hard to quantify the value of knowing your people better, but its great. I better understand them and they me, far greater trust has developed and that has made everyone more effective, which leads to greater enjoyment.    

Relax, stay focused on the goal of developing a better relations with your folks and you will figure out how to make it work for you. Give yourself and your people some grace as you begin this process. Overtime everyone recognizes that it's a business meeting, both parties are expected to come prepared and conduct themselves accordingly. So far everyone has come around and become engaged. Relationships have greatly improved, even with those that remain uncomfortable sharing much about their lives outside of work. No claims that I have perfected or mastered the process, just  digging the results.