Managing a direct who lost both parents

Communicate with your direct that when at work, she does need to perform to standard.  It doesn't do anyone any good for her to be phoning it in -- not her, not you, and not anyone else in the team.  I wouldn't necessarily lead with that statement, but it does need to be part of the conversation.

The main part of the conversation should be about how you can support your direct through this difficult time.  If they just need to talk a little, be a compassionate ear (tough to be a high D/I and *not* dominate the conversation...).  Time off?  Bend the rules in any way you possibly can to get your direct the time off she needs.  Whether it's a couple of hours during the day to talk to a counsellor or deal with some sort of estate issue, or a day/week/whatever just to unwind and grieve, make sure your direct knows to take the time needed and let you deal with the bureaucracy.  If your company has any sort of EAP, make sure you know exactly what's involved in accessing that, and make the process of using it as smooth as possible for your direct.

One of the most important things you can do: take away some stress.  If your direct is a high performer, my guess is she's putting extra pressure on herself to deliver while she's going through all this.  By letting her know that you expect her to take time to recover, and that nobody -- not you, or anyone else who judges her performance -- is expecting her to do her best work during this time, that can be a huge relief.  I had a direct with some personal problems, and once I worked out that that was what was really doing him some psychic damage, and said exactly that, you could see the weight just lift off his shoulders.

Best of luck managing through this difficult time for your direct.

I have not listened to them yet, but there are a pair of podcasts about managing through a personal crisis.

I'd give them a listen. Here is the link to the first one: Part 1 

Lisa

I actually lost my dad when I was 23 and in my first post-college job.  It was difficult.  Know that she will have good days and bad days - days when she will seem like her "old self" and days she will have that cloud.

As mentioned above, if you can keep her workload to what it is now and not add responsibilities, that would be helpful.

Does your company have an employee assistance program?  Remind her about that if you do and that she can seek out people to talk to and get assistance with any financial or emotional needs.

The fact that you are asking shows that you do care about this person and I'm sure she understands that.  Try your best to communicate in her DISC profile and that will help communication.

John

Early in my career I contracted a disease in my eye that made it too painful for me to spend prolonged periods in the sunlight. At that time, my job consisted of calling upon volunteers at their businesses or homes. My then boss went to bat for me with the COO and arranged for me to work from my office using the telephone. It did impact my productivity but it was only for several months or so until I recovered from the disease.

I never forgot that. It is a key reason why I'm still here nearly 30 years later. The organization stood by me when I needed help. I have done my best to stand by it. People usually think loyalty is shown "up"  the organization, I believe it can travel the opposite direction as well.

If she had been hospitalized for three weeks or longer due to an auto accident, you'd make allowances.  Stand by her now. Once she recovers, she and others who observe your reaction, may be able to return the favor for many years to come.

There's more to life than numbers.

"People usually think loyalty is shown "up"  the organization, I believe it can travel the opposite direction as well."

I'd go further than that.  Loyalty *should*, or perhaps even *must*, start from the top.  Management has far more power and leeway to go above and beyond in showing loyalty and respect for people, and so that is where loyalty must begin.  This isn't some airy-fairy hippy crap, either -- I'm hard-nosed, high-D.  Think of Maslow's hierarchy.  People can't hit the top of the triangle where all the good stuff is (problem solving, creativity) unless the lower levels are met.  What's down near the foundation?  Security.  If people don't feel secure in their employment and their place in the world, they won't feel particularly creative.  Show them loyalty and let them know that they are secure, and good things will come.

Here's a quote for you, Matt. I first heard it from the best manager I ever had.

"There's a great deal of talk about loyalty from the bottom to the top. Loyalty from the top down is even more necessary and is much less prevalent. One of the most frequently noted characteristics of great men who have remained great is loyalty to their subordinates." - General George S. Patton (War As I Knew It, 1947?)

Brad, I've listened to those two MT casts about managing through a personal crisis and I highly recommend them. There's also a CT cast (I think it is also a 2-parter) that you might want to listen to also, about the other side of it - dealing with it yourself. If you think she would be ok hearing it and it would be helpful for her (after you've already started with the MT-side support), you could then recommend it to her.

I recently went through a personal crisis of my own and the casts (both MT and CT) helped me keep a good focus on what I was doing at work. My work was really supportive of me - they've been willing to let me work whatever hours I could manage while I was recovering, and reassured me repeatedly that me recovering is more important right now.

Based on that experience, I can tell you, it will really help her to know that you're not just aware of it but are supportive and understanding and willing to do what you can to make work bearable for her while she's under that sort of pressure. Even just that can help her face a really bad day.

AND NOTE: A really bad day is about to come up. It's Mother's Day very soon and she may have trouble in the week before, more than she already has, if they usually did anything special.

Thanks for sharing that, Leanne.  I might see if I can pick up a copy of that book somewhere (to the second-hand bookstores!).