Submitted by MichaelBoyko on
in
Forums
Hello,
I have been doing One on One's for a long time but I keep finding that my staff are not sharing personal things which seriously effect their work.
For example, I had an O3 with a young woman last week who was clearly crying before the meeting and when I asked her if everything was ok she said, "Yup. Just going through some personal stuff." I did pry a little bit more for specifics but she clearly didn't want to discuss it with me, so I let it alone. This is the third time this year that I have encountered an unwillingness to share. It's ok if she doesn't want to share, but historically those who haven't shared have missed out on the support that our company can offer.
For example, earlier this year another woman was obviously painfully distraught and when I inquired about what was upsetting her she wouldn't share. Months later she told me that she had received some bad health news and that she needed time off for medical treatments and tests. We gave her time off and altered her work load to compensate for her condition and her morale and work product improved immensely. It was painful to watch her suffer without sharing. I'm high I and D, Low S, and I was emotionally crushed by the obvious emotional pain she was exuding.
I *want* to help. I love my team. We share jokes, everyone is always smiling, and I get zero sense that they are uncomfortable with me (except for the unwillingness to share.) During O3's I share personal items about my life including health issues (don't worry, nothing gross) so that they might feel compelled to do the same - but no luck. I might be suffering from a perception bias, but I truely believe that I am easy-going, completely approachable, generous, and dedicated to giving my staff whatever they need to be happy at work and home.
Assuming that the problem is me, and not that I just happen to work with a closed off group of people, what behaviours do you suggest that could improve the liklihood that my staff will share personal private information that is causing them grief?
Sorry for the big ask - but if any group on the internet can help, it's you guys.
- Michael.
Don't worry
I wouldn't worry if your team is not sharing personal details as I have lots of great employees that don't want to share and want to focus on work and that's ok. They always know if they need anything I'm here and over time you get to know the basics. At least you don't have the problem of the employee that wants to talk about their cat for 15 minutes at every O3!
Saying that, if you identify an employee needs help, does your company have an EAP and if so, perhaps, ask HR to send a reminder to employees in general or you can have pamphets in your desk and slip to the employee at the end of the O3 and remind them that there is support available.
Hope this is helpful!
D
Thank you for the words of
Thank you for the words of support. I have recommended our EAP in the past. It's just hard to see someone in pain - and I want to help.
I appreciate your response and will definitely be thankful for mostly work-related discussions during my one on ones!
- Michael
Thank you for the words of
Thank you for the words of support. I have recommended our EAP in the past. It's just hard to see someone in pain - and I want to help.
I appreciate your response and will definitely be thankful for mostly work-related discussions during my one on ones!
- Michael
Yup, don't worry
It sounds like you're doing everything right. I have been through personal situations that I just could not share with my boss, no matter how close we were. I've also been through personal situations that were greatly helped by focusing on work and my positive relationships at work.
You may indeed have a team of people who are just less inclined to share the big, heavy personal stuff. All you can do is express your openness to hearing it if and when they want to share--and then focus on continuing to build and maintain your working relationship and building your people.
If they never share anything personal--asking about their families, their vacations, their hobbies gets you nothing--maybe you've got a problem. But it really sounds like you're doing what you can!
This is about them.
People are willing to share at different levels. And with different people. What I share with my friends at work is not the same as what I would share with my boss. Not because I don't trust my boss, but because I prefer to maintain a more professional relationship most of the time.