Hello all!  I am relatively new to the community, and this is my first post, so feel free to critique.  I am a high-C so please excuse the excess of information!

In short, I am a new manager struggling with the new relationship between myself and my directs (previously my peers), and thus feeling isolated from my team and the company in general.

Some background information:

I have been with the company for about 6 years and was recently promoted to Technology Manager (my first management position) under the COO several months ago. Our department, for its entire history, has been plagued with a lack of procedures, documentation, structure, and has generally been a mess. Over the last few years I've worked toward fixing the major issues and we are in a much better place than we used to be.  Since being promoted, I've implemented many of the procedures suggested on the podcast (actually started one-on-ones before discovering the podcast).

I've worked with most of my directs for many years; some of them were hired shortly after I was and so I know them all well.  I wouldn't consider myself friends with any of them, but I've known them long enough that the relationship is similar. Since taking the new role and the relationship with my team has changed, I sometimes find myself slipping back into my previous relationship mode and sharing information that I shouldn't be, or venting to my team when, of course, I shouldn't be. I believe that they are comfortable with the new relationship, but I am still struggling with the transition.

I have good relationships with other middle managers and upper management, but, since their roles are vastly different than mine, they are often unable to relate to my department's issues. Most of them are also newly-promoted managers, as well, but their individual situations are different than mine (most of them have far fewer directs than I do, or are running departments that are more established). My boss is very approachable, but my department is only a small portion of what she has to manage, and that's what my job is anyway.

With the new relationship with my directs, and no other managers that I can relate to, I am feeling very isolated, both from my department, and from my new manager peers.  Is this normal and something I have to get used to?  And is there something I can do to feel less isolated?  Or, is this not normal and I should be doing something different?

Thanks for the input!

pucciot's picture
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Yes - it is normal to feel isolated.

That chair can be a little lonely at times.

You may wish to do a little soul searching and ask yourself what it is that you feel isolated about ?


You mentioned sharing information that you should not or venting in ways you should not.

In those cases I would recommend that you


A - Find a trusted friend or family member that is _very_ much removed from the organization. 

(My Mom and Dad always have a sympathetic ear.)



B - A therapist/counselor.

Look into your company benefits and see if there is an EAP that gives you free sessions.

* It does not have to be a crisis to visit a counselor.   In fact it might help prevent a crisis.


C - You can also join a professional organization --- or tap into one that you already belong to.  

I meet with Peers in the same roles at different organizations twice a year.

They can also provide good perspective and help chase away the feeling of isolation --- (  Careful not to share confidential matters with them.)


D - Find activilty and balance in Hobbies and Personal renewal.
Make sure that you are doing your exercises, doing a hobby, working in the yard, going to church, temple, mosque, yoga, etc.-  reading some good books ---  You know -- things like that.

Getting your mind and body Outside of work to give you energy to put back in.


- Get plenty of Sleep !


Good Luck



JayGGS's picture

I'm in a very similar postion and sympathize with you. Promoted above my peers, although they were 'junior' to me because I've been at the company 11 years and have vast amounts of technical experince compared with them.

TJ has some great points!