O3s with employees who don't want to talk

Hi,

This is my first time posting, I'm actually quite new to MT and I've been trying to catch up as much as possible.

From my understanding of the trinity, it might be as simple as giving some negative feedback and getting them to commit to a new behaviour in the O3's (ie behaviours around what you consider 'engagement')... if they don't and its' systemic, move into coaching (using the model) and set tasks like 'having them sit in on other more engaged O3's' or 'bring up 5 items they want to talk about in thier time'... If they continue to non-engage think about extending the coaching...

From my understanding, contributing in O3's and Weekly Staff meetings (for that matter) are apart of their work performance, so I wouldn't separate their work product and O3 engagement. As Mark has said, 'You can be very firm and have honey on your tongue while you're doing it".

Casts that might help:

1. Feedback & Coaching (MT Basic Casts)

2. A Shot Across the Bow

3. Corky Story (progression from Issue --> Coaching --> Escalation) 

4. Systemic Feedback

I know that's super basic, and if someone with a little more experience could add to this that would be great.

Good luck Dan.

Regards, Ben.

 Hi Dan,

I've been doing O3s since discovering MT in 2006. I have the same exact situation with two of my staff. And in both cases, they are satisfactory performers doing repetitive work who appear to have little interest in career advancement or self-improvement. One has been talking about retiring for 2 years now.

About a year ago, I restructured their functional area and they now have a supervisor who works in the same room as them and is in constant contact. Though it wasn't my intention in restructuring, I've eliminated them from my regular one-on-one schedule, but make a point to stop and talk with each of them daily as a means to stay in touch and maintain communication.

I know that may not be the best solution, but so far it seems to be working for me.

Teresa

Hi Dan,

That's an interesting question and though it was covered briefly in the initial O3 casts, I don't think too much time was given over to it. The reason for that is probably that you, as the manager, can't force your directs to communicate with you. You can give them a chance, make them feel comfortable, and encourage, but the rest is firmly up to them. My experience, which is a few months of O3s, has shown me that while some people are at various points of being all-in (chatting on a personal and professional level, making jokes, etc.), some people don't feel comfortable talking freely with their boss. At first, I was worried about that; was I doing something wrong? I thought. But then I figured that as long as they were behaving appropriately and - most importantly - doing their work well, then it wasn't a problem.

Some open-ended questions I tend to ask on a regular basis are:

- Do you have any feedback for me?

- Is there anything I can do to help you?

- I noticed you were interested in X. Would you like some additional training on that?

Or some small-talk personal questions on other occasions:

- How was your weekend?

- School (or whatever) is back in session. Is that affecting your drive?

- How are the kids/spouse etc.?

The main thing about all of these questions is that they're just normal parts of conversation. Sure, all of them could return one-word answers, and that's totally cool. If that's the case, just move on. If the meeting ends early (I had one that went ~10 minutes last week because neither of us had much to discuss), take the extra time and do something else. Regularity is useful though because while you might get no feedback most of the time, your silent type might one day decide they want to tell you something.

Whether that happens or not, it seems like you are doing your due diligence - being a good, supportive manager. Seems to me that you should feel free to sleep peacefully.

Can you answer the following questions about those two directs?

• What is the name of the spouse/other?
• Any children?
• What ages?
• Children's names?
• Parents still alive? Their names?
• Where did they grow up?
• What schools did they attend?
• What are their hobbies?
• What color car do they drive?

The purpose of the O3s is to develop a relationship with your directs. The purpose of the relationship is to improve communications. The way to improve communications is to feel more comfortable talking. What do people feel comfortable talking about? Themselves.

I know the above sounds cynical - indeed, it is somewhat cynical - but it is effective in opening up the lines of communications between you and your directs.

The purpose of O3s is NOT to augment the weekly/regularly-scheduled status meetings. If the direct wants to talk "all business," then that's fine. It's their 10 or 15 minutes to talk about what they want to talk about. During your time, ask about their families, hobbies, what they did last weekend, what kind of car they drive, do they like amusement parks... anything at all. If you sense discomfort - perhaps they say "I really don't like to talk about my family at work." - then change the subject to something else about them or their life. Unless you have someone with true emotional/psychological problems, then eventually, you'll find a subject they are comfortable with and willing to discuss.

From there, you should be able to get them to talk more. Once the two of you begin to actually talk during the O3's, then your feedback and coaching will become more effective because the two of you will have a relationship where you can communicate openly.

For any meeting, you should do some preparatory work. In this case, make up a list of things you can ask about, in case they don't respond to the first one or two topics. I suggest you think, "What do I know about the directs who do open up when we talk?" as a guideline for subjects you can bring up.

 I don't know if this is relevant, but the thread reminded me of a memorable incident in high school.

Writing class, our assignment was to write about something, provide handouts, and give a speech on the subject.  One of the students was visibly upset when it came time for him to give his speech. He stuttered and stammered, looking very nervous and reluctant. The instructor prodded him along, and became a little more insistent the student keep things moving. Suddenly the student had a mini-snap, and went on a tear about how unfair it was to expect everyone to give a presentation. After all, this was writing class, the students shouldn't be graded on their public speaking skill.

During the tirade, the instructor motioned for the student to come up to the lecturne, which he did, and finished his tirade. When he was done, he went back and sat down, and everyone applauded, including the instructor. The instructor gave him an "A" on his presentation.

It was so effective, and so entertaining, I thought it was just a brilliant acting job. I was acquainted with the student and asked him after class. Was that real? He was still a little hot about it. No, it wasn't an act.

I guess my point is that everybody has their buttons, and everybody is going to talk enthusiastically about something, sometime. I have a phrase that I utter under my breath on occasion, commonly when I'm having trouble getting taken care of at a retail establishment or government agency. "Who do you have to piss off to get something done around here?" Not saying to be antagonistic, but a little poking might help get things going.

 Hi Dannak, 

If your quiet directs are doing their job to an acceptable standard, then my suggestion would be to go fix something that is really broke and don't worry about it. Keep doing 02s, they probably appreciate it even if they don't show it. 

Cheers Mark

Mandrillone has it right imo.

You want results and retention, and it sounds like you have it.

Have you seen the D.I.S.C. model? You might must communicate differently. If they're late or on time to your O3s, that's communication. If you've never read "First Break All the Rules" by Marcus Buckingham, I recommend you do. The book identifies 12 factors that Gallup showed were essential to hogh-performing teams. I added them to the bottom of my O3 form and ask my directs one or two whenever there is extra time.

David