One on ones and personal advice?

Jim,

It is a delicate balance to guide your directs to available resources while expressing compassion for their situation. Your focus is on work and results.

You cannot be the primary resource for such personal matters. Guide your directs to brainstorm for available resources and ask who they have consulted.

Special circumstances (personal crisis) may require action by you. You can refer to the podcasts on Managing Through a Personal Crisis.

http://www.manager-tools.com/2007/06/managing-through-a-personal-crisis-...

sometimes folks just need someone to talk to... Are they expliciting asking you "what should I do?", or are they just unloading?

I think it's fine to "be there" for a direct, and if that's what they want to do for their 10 min -- let them go nuts. If you just reflect back to them what you are hearing, that might be all they are looking for.

GREAT topic brewcrew!

It's been my experience in several different roles that, in the long run, the manager can guard against advice becoming too personal, based on subtley guiding the O3's, week-in and week-out.

How much you ask about the direct's personal life (the follow-up questions, the more detailed questions, etc.) sends a strong underlying signal. So does the extent to which you volunteer your own details.

Conversation is a little bit like dancing: the partners generallly follow one anothers' lead.

-Hugh

[quote="HMac"][...]in the long run, the manager can guard against advice becoming too personal, based on subtley guiding the O3's, week-in and week-out.[/quote]

Indeed. For example, in a previous position I learned that a few of my directs were NOT participating the company retirement plan (403b, 401k, etc.) :shock:

I encouraged participation by inviting HR to a staff meeting but drew the line at providing investment advice! :lol:

[quote="tlhausmann"]I encouraged participation by inviting HR to a staff meeting but drew the line at providing investment advice! :lol:[/quote]

Sounds sensible. You're helping people solve their own situations by providing a listening ear to let them talk out their issues and pointing them to resources that may help (or to people who might be able to point them to resources). It's not about fixing things your self, it's about helping them to find the tools to fix things. A lot like coaching really.

Obviously, as a manager, your first priority is effectiveness and productivity at work. That shouldn't mean that you're only interested in what happens at work. Work is effected by what happens outside it and life outside of work is effected by what happens at work.

I'm also reminded of a blog post Mark [url=http://www.manager-tools.com/2007/09/in-pursuit-of-happyness/]wrote last September[/url] about the true story behind the film "The Pursuit of Happyness".

Stephen

I'm with conick on this one (not surprising since we have nearly identical DISC profiles.)

He mentions "relflect back." Reflective listening was a technique I was taught in college when I interned at the Rape Crisis Center. Though I never manned the phones, they used only women for that, I did get the same training, and made a few hospital visits to sit with family.

The technique goes like this:
"I'm really distracted right now. My kids are going through some stuff at school."
"So your kids are really on your mind right now?"
"Yeah. They're just growing up so fast, and having to deal with issues that I think they're just too young for."
"Sounds like they have a lot to deal with."
"No kiddding. Bobby was offered drugs in the playground!"
"Drugs in the playground?"

And so on. It's amazing how effective it is. It might seem obvious when it's written, but in practice people just think you're the best listener they've ever known. And you probably are. :)

I certainly agree we don't want to be giving advice we're not qualified to give. But my experience is that mostly people need someone to hear them. Someone to be on their side. That's pretty easy to do.

Just in case something serious comes up, I would keep handy a printout of the contact information for the company's Employee Assistance Program (EAP), if your company retains one.

[quote="terrih"]Just in case something serious comes up, I would keep handy a printout of the contact information for the company's Employee Assistance Program (EAP), if your company retains one.[/quote]

I've done this even when it's NOT serious. Heck, I'VE used it for smaller-sized issues. The EAP is a GREAT benefit if you have it, and it's best used BEFORE it's a serious issue.

Beware the EAP handout. Giving it to a direct that wants to talk to YOU about a personal issue can seem like a brush off. Like all things, it's in how you do it.

There are too many variables for any pat answer.

Your style/profile. The direct's style/profile. The exact nature of the advice being sought. The ethical/religious context of the issue and each person's relationship to it. The relationship between you and your direct. Any relevant history in the org (litigation, etc). Your personal expertise in a given area. Are you crossing over into legal or financial advice without certification to do so?

Personally, there have been times when I offered the advice. And there have been times when I would not.

Really, it depends.

John

What John said.

I merely suggested having the EAP handout handy in case it seems like an appropriate resource. Which you won't know until you've heard about the situation. I honestly didn't mean to shove it at anyone who gives the slightest hint of a personal problem to get them to stop telling you about it. :wink:

I have used it as John suggests, when there's a litigation pending and the person didn't want to say much of anything to me; I stressed the fact that nothing would get back to the company from the EAP, not even who called them.