I'm going to use the forum to vent a bit, but I assure you I am reaching out for help or direction from anyone who may feel so inclined to lend their opinion or expertise.
I am a very ambitious and very hard worker. At the age of 30, I am the 2nd youngest person in my company (small company of 15) and essentially second in command (i'm a director behind the COO/Founder of the organization). I have been with this company for nearly 7 years and progressed from a 2nd tier technician to the director position in only 2 years and have been there ever since. Being that its a small company, I have had my hands in everything, besides worrying about making payroll (which though I have not worried about myself, I have been in the trenches with the owners worrying by proxy) I run the majority of the aspects of the company. It has been a great experience and i wouldnt trade it for anything but my ultimate goal is to own my own company. I worry that being in this small company for so long though, i may have missed out on learning, being mentored and the structure that goes along with being in a larger company. Everything i have learned, i have learned by faking, mirroring and doing, never having been really mentored or truly "managed' by anyone. I wonder how transferable my seemingly vast skills would be in one of these larger orgs...
I graduated with my BS in MIS in 2007 (at the age of 27) as i was going to school part time since leaving high school and was working full-time. I wouldnt have that any other way, at 30, i now have 13 years of practical and hands on experience with increasing responsibility due to hard work, self-development and of course a little luck.
I was accepted to a (fairly) prestigious MBA program in January of this year and quickly met two guys who were starting a company and they were convinced i was the missing piece of the puzzle. I started working on building the organization from the ground up and between my full-time job (meaning 50+ hrs a week of course) and working on this company on my off time, i had to leave the MBA program after one semester. I am dissappointed i didnt finish, but hey if i was there so i could eventually start a company, i guess i just fast tracked myself a bit.
We have made great strides in building the organization and have a great buzz, letters of intent from potential clients, were accepted to a business incubator at the 2nd largest university in the country and are shopping investors for start-up capital. Of course i am still full-time at my job until we are funded as "promise" does not pay the bills.
So whats the problem you ask? I feel inferior. I am the type that no matter what I achieve, I am quick to throw it aside as a fluke or less important than it was originally in order to not gas up my own ego. If i dont know a lot about a certain subject, then i'm certain that is the subject that i need to be successful and worry about my lack of knowledge about it.
I want to learn more, and more and more and more!! I am never satisfied...i want to read more books and magazines and blogs and forums and find a business mentor (i have reached out to a very successful entrepreneur this week and am awaiting his response) i just can't seem to find the time to feel fulfilled in learning with the information overload and heightened expectations i put on myself.
Does anyone else have this problem? Is it some type of addiction or workaholic mentality? I apologize for the long post, but I feel like this constant need to develop and improve is at an unhealthy level and makes finding happiness a real obstacle.
If this is not the right place for this type of post, i apologize, but i figure with the bright minds and driven individuals i have seen on this site taking such great pride in improving and being the next generation of great business people (whether managers, rank and file or entrepreneurs) someone might have some insights for me.
Thanks in advance!
J - a high Di if that helps :)