I have a couple opportunities to close after an interview for an analyst position and I'm hoping for some feedback on my method
1) Follow-up email to make sure they received a fax containing supplemental information:
Just wanted to check in and make sure you received the fax I sent you Monday night.
I really want an offer from XYZ for this position because of my ability to produce high quality products that always satisfy the customer. I'm very excited about this opportunity and hope to hear from you soon.
2) Thank you notes:
Thank you for the opportunity to interview for the Analyst position. I'm excited about the position because it allows me to take an active role in the safety and security of the public and of my community. My extensive background in law enforcement and national security along with my information technology skills will definitely make me an asset to XYZ.
I want an offer from XYZ because of my ability to produce excellent products under pressure and to develop and implement best practices for my work unit.
Thank you again for your time.
I have no problem closing face to face...it's very exhilarating and feels quite good. But putting it down in writing seems...awkward. I've rewritten these things about twenty times now and feel a little bit better about it but I thought I'd run it past the collective expertise of the MT community.