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Over the last couple of months, one peer that I've worked very well with in the past has become distant and very brash towards me.  My boss refers to us as his "two horseman" because, while we have disagreements, we've typically carried the flag towards improving the department.  This is a relationship that I feel is in jeapordy and one that I do not want to lose.

My peer is a very high "D" and has accomplished a great deal of things in our organization.  I've learned a great deal from him.  Recently, my team drop the ball on a task of keeping a security group cleaned, in which he and I butted heads.  I'm not sure if this is the driving force, but nonetheless I would like to correct.  I've apologized for the issue and have laid out a plan of correcting the problem.  I've setup alerts to let him know when anyone is added to the Security group, that way he would see if someone who shouldn't be in the group is added.  My team receives this same alert as well.  Again, though, I'm not sure if this is the issue or if there is something else that I've done incorrectly.

I would really like to sit down and talk through it, but previous attempts have met with "I'm fine, no problem".  Actions have indicated otherwise.  He is partnering less with me on initiatives and including me in the loop on other areas.  A big departure from our relationship 2 months ago.

Any recommendations on how I can repair the relationship and find out from my peer what he is unhappy about?

Thanks,

Jason

mmann's picture
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Jason,

How recent was the debacle?  People can't be rewired like a circuit.  It takes time.  Continue to be professional with your peer, add value to their life whenever possible, deliver on your promises,communicate, communicate, and communicate.  The relationship will mend with time.

--Michael

regas14's picture
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Jason,

I recommend that you take a look at the book "Crucial Conversations."  It's a quick read and I think it would prove very helpful.  These conversations are tricky - it's hard to start an honest dialogue and then maintain a productive tone to that dialogue. 

Good Luck,

G.R.