So, I have a question about the Shot-Across-The-Bow (SATB). Basically, you give the feedback, and if the direct pushes back with excuses, you disengage. I can understand how that sounds like the right thing to do, but I wonder about the following:
Every time you have an interaction with someone, you teach them something, either about you, or about them, or about life in general, but they (and you) learn something. I guess the question is, what did you teach them?
If you do the SATB once, then the direct repeats the previous behaviour (because there was no commitment to change and you in fact reinforced that by saying "Ok - no problem"), and you give feedback again, and they push back with excuses, now what? Back down? You will simply reinforce the fact that when you tell them their behaviour is unacceptable, that they can give you excuses and it will be OK.
And if this continues, you can never get to Systemic Feedback, becuase they never promised to change. Ooops.
I actually have this occuring with one of my directs. I think I taught him to be quick on his feet with excuses, and they get pretty lame sometimes.
I suppose I could give him feedback about excuses, but he will just give me an excuse. Seems like a never ending pattern.