I got the opportunity to work alongside a work friend from another department that I knew for 3 years,  but after I transferred to my new department, "M" quickly changed his personality.  He didn't train me, didn't speak to me, never wanted to have planning meetings with me and would often flake on me to go socialize or go help other people.  Frankly he went from being super helpful and nice to always disappearing and never being a "leader".

After a while I got frustrated but I talked to him about it, he acted shocked but said he'd try harder.  Which never happened and led to alot of arguments with him and he'd just sit there like a doe in headlights not saying a thing.

I guess I am just so disappointed that a work friend that I trusted and have known for 3 years all of a sudden changed.  While he's a great leader and work friend to his other employees, he just doesn't treat me like them.  He puts more responsibility on me but doesn't take the time to tell me anything, help me with anything, check in with me, listen to my ideas, and the worst part of it all is he won't even compliment/praise/thank me. But he will do all of those things with everyone else.  I just want to be treated equally instead of feeling lonely and alone.

I have talked to him about it before and he never gives me an explanation.  He just sits there looking shocked even when I give him examples he doesn't say anything. 

Although one day I was running late and couldn't call in because my cell battery died.  I was barely 1 hour late (i've been that late before) and people in the company said he looked worried.  He couldn't sit still, do his work, he was pacing around and antsy...they say they've never seen him worried about anyone.  I told them I was shocked because for a guy who acts like I don't exist, seemed to worry that I was probably lying in some ditch somewhere.  I didn't believe them back then adn I don't believe them now.

I don't know what's going on.  I have two questions:

1)What could be the reason for his behavior?

2)How can I get him to show more appreciation and being a better leader to me if talking to him doesn't work?


I could be the "example" for him to emulate but I just don't see why other people don't have to be an example and he still treats them great....why am I the exception?

RaisingCain's picture

I don't think I have enough S in my DISC to understand this.

Do the 2 of you have a history? This sounds to me like you dated or thought about dating and someone rejected someone or is jealous.  My advice, be a better listener...with the goal of being a more effective worker.  Maybe the rest will sort itself out.


egaskell's picture

I think RC has a point there. I am only thinking that if there is a past between the two of you, then I don't understand why you are wondering about his behaviour. It sounds like pre-relationship tension to me. Perhaps he is (or maybe both of you are) trying so hard to show no personal interest, that this results in this behaviour that he only seems to exhibits towards you.

Why would not you believe the other people in your company?  Are they generally wrong about things they tell you? Maybe you do not want to see, what they are seeing? Just guessing here.


duplicate_account_MarkAus's picture

 The two questions you pose can't be answered because we/you: (1) can't see inside his head and (2) can't change a boss' behaviour.

If working hard, building relationships and getting results isn't enough to earn the behaviour you want, you should start sending out resumes.