How to Run Effective One-On-Ones

The Manager Tools agenda follows a simple structure:

In practice, this might look more like 15-15, and only getting to future development occasionally. That's normal. You don't need to be rigid about this structure, especially in the beginning. As you build trust, the conversations will naturally become more balanced and productive.

Why This Works:

• Creates predictable structure that builds trust
• Helps you notice patterns and changes in responses
• Eliminates wasted mental energy figuring out how to start
• Makes it easier to track your direct's state of mind over time

Keys to Success:

1. Choose one opening question and use it habitually (e.g., "How's it going?" or "What's on your mind?")
2. Write down the answer every time to help identify trends and changes
3. Focus on listening rather than trying to be creative with your opener

This simple approach shifts your attention from worrying about the perfect question to what really matters: understanding your team member's response and how it changes over time.

One-On-Ones are business meetings, but they shouldn't feel stiff. A conversational approach with natural back-and-forth dialogue helps your directs feel comfortable, builds trust gradually, and encourages honest communication.

• Expect early awkwardness: Don't worry if your first few One-On-Ones feel a bit formal or stilted. This is completely normal as both you and your directs adjust to the new format. Focus on consistency first - the conversational flow will develop naturally over time.
• Ask questions during their time: Don't treat your direct's portion like a presentation where you can't interject. Ask clarifying questions, probe deeper, and show genuine curiosity. This creates a dynamic exchange rather than a one-sided report.
• Blend shared topics: When your direct brings up a topic that's also on your list, address it together rather than waiting for "your time." Say something like, "That's on my list too - let's discuss it now." This creates a more natural flow.
• Be flexible with time: If you cover some of your agenda items during their time, mentally extend their portion. The goal is meaningful conversation, not rigid adherence to the clock.
• Encourage questions during your time: Explicitly tell your directs that interruptions and questions are welcome when you're speaking. This creates true two-way communication.
• Avoid checklists or rigid agendas.
• Don't rush to fill silences - give space for reflection.
• Share small observations or appreciation when it's genuine.

A relaxed manager is an effective manager. When you show you're listening, your directs will share what really matters.

One-On-Ones aren't optional. They're not a "nice to have" - they're your most important meeting every week.

Our purpose in a One-On-One is to create relationships. And we do this not only because we care about our team but because great relationships create great results. Our primary reason to conduct One-On-Ones is that we believe the time spent doing them leads to better overall business results than any other use of that time.

• They drive results. Better relationships = better performance.
• They create accountability. Weekly check-ins make follow-through more likely.
• They're worth defending. If you wouldn't cancel a meeting with your CEO, don't cancel one with your team.

Handling Resistance

• Initial resistance is normal: Early missed meetings rarely become a pattern. Be patient but firm.
• Personal content is secondary: Let your directs lead on how personal they want to be, but remember the primary purpose is professional.
• Don't oversell: If your directs question the need for One-On-Ones, don't waste time repeatedly selling the concept. You've already explained the rationale. Instead, treat them like any other required business meeting - because that's exactly what they are.

• Avoid Monday mornings and Friday afternoons: These times are prone to conflicts, holidays, and rescheduling difficulties.
• Earlier in the week is generally better: This gives you more time to reschedule if needed.
• Schedule on the hour or half-hour: This respects the reality that most other meetings start at these times.
• Choose your approach to grouping: Some managers prefer all One-On-Ones on one day; others prefer spreading them throughout the week. Both approaches have merit and neither is better than the other.
• Consider back-to-back scheduling: Some managers prefer consecutive meetings for efficiency; others prefer breaks between. Choose what works for your style.
• Be consistent: Whatever pattern you choose, maintain it consistently to build the habit.

• Mark your One-On-Ones as "busy" in your calendar system
• Set up your calendar to automatically decline meetings that are requested at the same time as a One-On-One
• Inform your boss about your One-On-One schedule
• If you must reschedule, do it immediately - never just cancel
• Track your One-On-One completion rate as a key performance indicator for yourself

• Ready to get started? Go to the Getting Started
• Have questions? Check the FAQ tab for help.

Got a question you can't find the answer to? Email us anytime at [email protected].

The Manager Tools' golden rule of management change is, "Never introduce a managerial change without first introducing that change." This is especially true for One-On-Ones, where your goal is to build trust. Trying to build trust while simultaneously appearing secretive about your motives to your direct reports only makes everything harder.

Use an existing staff meeting to introduce One-On-Ones. There's no need for a special meeting - that would make it seem more dramatic than necessary. If you don't have a weekly staff meeting, call a short special meeting, but let this be a lesson: you need a weekly staff meeting.

Here's a simple framework:

1. Start With WHY - "I want to build more trusting relationships with each of you. I feel like we communicate a lot, but I think we could communicate more purposefully and better. The only way I know to build trust is by communicating regularly about things that are important to us - and by 'us,' I mostly mean you."
2. Then Explain WHAT - "To work on our trust, I'm going to meet with each of you individually every week for half an hour. Non-negotiable. We'll call them One-On-Ones. The agenda will be the same every week: you go first, I go second."
3. Finish With HOW - "You'll receive an email from me with scheduling options. These meetings are scheduled for the same time every week. If we need to reschedule, we'll do it immediately rather than cancelling."

Providing materials in advance sends two powerful messages:

• You're prepared - You've thought through what you're going to say, how you're going to say it, and what materials will support your message.
• You're confident - If you spring something new on your team without warning, it creates uncertainty. Giving them information in advance signals your confidence in the approach.

Get everything you need in one place:

Download our One-On-One Quick Start Pack with ready-to-use scripts, scheduling templates, and briefing materials to make your rollout smooth and professional.

Your directs may be uncertain or skeptical about your new One-On-One meeting schedule. That's normal. Be ready with honest, respectful responses

Use a simple 4-step process:

• Scan your schedule - One-On-Ones are your most important meetings, so they go on the calendar first. Look through your calendar and eliminate times that are already taken by standing meetings, family commitments, and necessary buffer times. What is left are the potential times to offer.
• Offer 1.5X times - Take the number of directs you have, multiply by 1.5, and make that many 30-minute slots available from your review process. Don't try to fit exactly the number of directs into exactly that number of slots - it rarely works. Providing extra slots also allows for them to have some freedom in choosing a time slot.
• Allow your directs to choose - Send out your options and let them select the time that works best for each of them. This small gesture of control makes a significant difference in their commitment to the process.
• It's okay to ask for 1-2 changes - If responses surprise you or multiple directs request the same time, you may need to ask for adjustments. Be flexible - the value you'll gain once you start will more than make up for it.

We recommend you wait three weeks before you start your One-On-Ones. Yes - really. Delaying helps you:

• Make scheduling easier, as everyone's calendars will be clearer in 3 weeks' time
• Gives you time to brief your team
• Gives you time to answer their questions
• Gives you time to answer individual questions (not everyone on your team will ask questions during the briefing)
• Build anticipation instead of resistance

Waiting might feel counterintuitive - but it works. Give your team a little space, and you'll get better results long-term.

Before your first 30-minute One-On-One meeting:

1. Choose your opening question (e.g., “How's it going?”)
2. Block out calendar time and mark it as busy
3. Set up your note-taking system (paper or digital is fine)
4. Prepare your environment - arrange for a distraction-free meeting space or setup
5. Remind yourself: it doesn't have to be perfect - it just has to start

Here's what to expect - and aim for - as you begin implementing One-On-Ones:

Month 1: Build the Habit

• Be on time and fully present
• Ask the same first question each week
• Don't force personal topics
• Take notes consistently
• Follow up on at least one thing each meeting

• Start noticing trends and patterns
• Ask deeper follow-up questions
• Begin career development conversations

• Review whether your schedule is working
• Adjust your approach if needed

By the end of 90 days, you should see:

• At least 85% of scheduled One-On-Ones completed
• Notes that you can read, understand and follow up with for every direct, every week
• Noticeable increase in your directs' willingness to raise issues
• Improved understanding of your directs' work, challenges, and goals
• Reduction in unexpected issues or surprises
• More proactive communication from your team members

If you want a more detailed ramp-up, here's a simple four-week implementation you can follow:

Week 1:

• Brief your team in a staff meeting
• Send out scheduling options
• Share your One-On-One overview materials

Week 2:

• Check in individually: "Any questions about our upcoming One-On-Ones?"
• Confirm each direct has chosen a time slot
• Adjust for conflicts if needed

Week 3:

• Set up your note-taking system (paper or digital)
• Decide on your consistent first question (e.g., "How's it going?")

Week 4:

• Hold your first 30-minute One-On-Ones!
• Don't worry about perfection - just focus on showing up and listening

💡 Pro Tip: Review how each meeting felt. You're building a rhythm - not a performance.

• Want to download tools? Head to the Resources tab.
• Have questions? Check the FAQ tab for help.

Got a question you can't find the answer to? Email us anytime at [email protected].

When Your Direct Takes Too Much Time in One-On-Ones

That's okay - at first. If your direct is still talking at the 15- or even 30-minute mark of your weekly One-On-One, don't cut them off. Let them talk. Cutting them off sends the message that the appearance of a relationship matters more than the actual relationship.

After a few weeks of 30-minute meetings, try this gentle prompt:

"I want to make sure we both get what we need from these conversations. Can we aim for 15 - 20 minutes from you and 10 from me going forward?"

Over time, balance will come naturally in your regular One-On-One schedule. And, remember: you can always get time with your directs outside the One-On-One if needed.

How To Handle Uncommunicative Team Members:

It's more common for managers to worry that their directs won't talk than it is for directs to actually stay silent. But if that does happen:

• Ask twice. "Is there anything else on your mind?" (Pause. Wait.)
• If they still won't engage, move on - but keep holding the 30-minute meeting.

After a few weeks of consistent One-On-Ones, say gently:

These meetings aren't optional. Even if you don't have much to share now, I still want to connect regularly.

Be patient. Most people open up after 4 - 6 consistent weekly One-On-One sessions.

How To Handle Your Own Agenda In One-On-Ones:

One of the most frequent questions managers ask is how to get directs to address the manager's agenda during One-On-Ones. The simple answer: don't try. Their portion of the One-On-One is meant for their agenda, not yours.

Remember that the primary purpose of One-On-Ones is to build trust through high-quality communication. Trust makes everything easier - work happens faster, communications are shorter, and guidance can be inferred from previous conversations.

Why forcing your agenda doesn't work:

• Trust is built by talking about things important to your direct
• Most manager-direct conversations already center on the manager's agenda
• Asking directs to address your agenda during their portion undermines the trust-building purpose

There are two key behaviors to ensure your agenda gets addressed without compromising the One-On-One structure:

• Brief your directs properly before starting One-On-Ones - Explain the purpose, structure, and expectations so they understand how it works.
• In the 30-minute meeting, wait for your portion of the agenda - Your directs go first with their topics, then you use your time to address your agenda.

"These One-On-Ones Feel Like Micromanagement"

Some experienced professionals may bristle at the idea of a weekly One-On-One. Here's how to reframe it:

• Emphasize that the meeting is for them: "This isn't oversight - it's about giving you time with me to surface problems, ask for help, or think ahead."
• Reinforce that it's consistent for everyone: "Everyone on the team gets this time. It's how I manage, not who I manage."
• Contrast it with real micromanagement: "Micromanagement is when I check your work constantly. This is the opposite - it's time to give you support, not control."

What If They Still Resist?

In rare cases (less than 0.1%), a direct will continue to resist participating in weekly One-On-Ones even after several months. This requires a more direct approach. After 3 months of consistent resistance, have a serious conversation about the impact.

When a team member persistently resists One-On-Ones:

• Have a private conversation about expectations
• Predict - not threaten - the consequences: "If this continues, I'll need to note it in performance discussions. These 30-minute meetings are a core part of how I lead."
• Frame it as support, not punishment: "This isn't about conflict - it's about making sure you have what you need, and that I can do my job well."

Emphasize that your goal is their success, not conflict. Remember that this level of intervention is rarely needed. Most resistance to implementing One-On-Ones resolves naturally with consistency and patience.

"There's No Time for Weekly One-On-Ones"

Some directs (or even your boss) may claim there's simply no time for weekly 30-minute One-On-Ones. This is one of the most common forms of pushback when implementing a regular meeting schedule.

• Put the time in perspective: "It's just 1% of your work week - some people spend more than 1% of their week getting coffee!"
• Use the Manager Tools Middleman Test: "I would never dream of refusing my boss's request for 30 minutes a week"
• Make it clear that this is about investing time now to save time later

Scheduling Challenges with Remote or Shift Teams

One-On-Ones can work across any environment - with a little creativity in your meeting schedule.

• For shift workers: Schedule One-On-Ones at shift transitions when possible or find overlap times
• For remote teams: Use video whenever possible for your weekly One-On-Ones and be even more diligent about keeping to schedule
• For traveling employees: Establish a consistent phone/video protocol and protect that 30-minute meeting time
• Consider slightly longer but less frequent One-On-Ones if weekly truly isn't possible

Maintain the meetings: Whatever pattern you establish for your One-On-Ones, stick to it. Consistency matters more than location when building trust through regular manager-direct meetings.

Conducting One-On-Ones After Conflict or Negative Feedback

Never cancel a weekly One-On-One after conflict - that sends the wrong message about your commitment to the relationship.

• Acknowledge the tension without dwelling on it: "I know our last conversation was difficult. I still value our regular time together."
• Don't force immediate resolution, but don't ignore the issue either
• Maintain your normal opening question and 30-minute meeting format
• Focus on moving forward constructively rather than rehashing the conflict
• Be prepared for silence or awkwardness, and don't rush to fill it

Contract and Project-Based Workers

Contract employees and project-based team members also benefit from regular One-On-Ones, though they may require some adjustments to your standard meeting approach.

• Schedule One-On-Ones proportional to their time commitment (weekly 30-minute meetings for full-time, bi-weekly for part-time)
• Focus more on work content than long-term career development
• Provide clear direction on how they interface with full-time staff
• Pay special attention to any communication or access issues they might face
• Review contract terms when appropriate to ensure alignment with current work

Turning One-On-Ones into Status Updates

When the conversation becomes a project checklist, you lose the opportunity to build trust and uncover issues. Let your direct lead - then use your time to guide, coach, and clarify.

It's tempting to use One-On-Ones to check on project progress - but that's not what they're for. When the entire focus of the meeting shifts to tasks and deadlines, you lose the opportunity to build trust, surface concerns, and coach effectively.

Because of the natural power imbalance between a manager and a direct report, your people won't speak up unless they know the time is for them. When One-On-Ones become just about status, team members disengage and the honest conversations that could prevent problems never happen.

One-On-Ones work best when the direct's agenda comes first. That's how you build the relationships that make everything else - tasks, deadlines, and results - go more smoothly. If your One-On-Ones keep running long on project discussions, schedule a separate meeting to tackle those issues and keep your weekly One-On-Ones focused on relationship building.

Cancelling or Skipping

Cancelling One-On-Ones sends the message that your team isn't a priority. If you must move one, reschedule it immediately. Never just let it slide.

If we say One-On-Ones are our most important meeting (and they are), then travel - or anything else - shouldn't be a reason to skip them. Otherwise, we've created a system where anything can justify cancelling. That's how consistency breaks down and relationships weaken.

Even when you're on the road, One-On-Ones can and should happen. A phone call, a quick video chat, they still count. You don't have to be in the office to show up for your team. And when you keep that time sacred, your team notices and trusts you more because of it.

Starting and Stopping

Starting One-On-Ones and then letting them fade is worse than never doing them at all. It erodes trust and teaches your team that consistency isn't expected.

Starting One-On-Ones and then letting them fade damages trust, signals lack of importance, and teaches your team that new initiatives aren't worth investing in - because you won't stick with them.

Managers often stop after a few weeks when the initial effort feels hard and results aren't immediate. But One-On-Ones are about long-term relationship building, not short-term wins. Starting and quitting creates "flavor of the month" resistance, where your team disengages from future changes before they begin.

Consistency builds trust. Quitting breaks it.

• Ready to get started? Go to the Getting Started
• Want to download tools? Head to the Resources tab.
• Have questions? Check the FAQ tab for help.

Got a question you can't find the answer to? Email us anytime at [email protected].

Do One-On-Ones really need to be weekly?

Yes, they do. Weekly 30-minute One-On-Ones are optimal for relationship building and effective management. When meetings are less frequent, the relationship-building effect diminishes dramatically, and issues that could have been caught early fester. Weekly manager-direct meetings create a rhythm and consistency that builds trust.

For more details, listen to "One-On-Ones - Why Weekly?" Part 1 and Part 2.

Can One-On-Ones be shorter than 30 minutes?

We don't recommend it. While it might seem more efficient to conduct 15-minute One-On-Ones, especially with a large team, the shortened timeframe undermines the relationship-building purpose. You need at least 30 minutes to allow for meaningful conversation and the natural ebb and flow of communication.

For more guidance, listen to Manager Tools One-On-Ones Guidance.

Should I have longer One-On-Ones with senior directs?

Not necessarily. The purpose of a weekly One-On-One is the same regardless of the seniority of your direct: to build a relationship through regular communication. A senior direct may have more complex topics to discuss, but the 30-minute format still works well. If you consistently need more time, consider scheduling a separate meeting for specific projects or strategic discussions.

For more insights, listen to Why Experienced Directs Need One-On-Ones.

What's the best first question to ask in a One-On-One?

"How's it going?" This simple, open-ended question works best for starting One-On-Ones. It's casual enough to put people at ease but open enough to allow for a wide range of responses. Using the same question every week creates a reliable ritual and helps you spot patterns in responses over time. That said, you can choose a question that works for you.

For more on this topic, listen to The First Question In Your One-On-One.

Should I prepare an agenda for each One-On-One?

The agenda for a 30-minute One-On-One is always the same - 10 minutes for your direct, 10 minutes for you, and 10 minutes for the future. However, each week, the exact balance will change depending on what your direct and you have to share. Your direct's topics should always come first, and your list of items needs to be adaptable based on what they share.

For more guidance, listen to Lists And Agendas In One-On-Ones.

How do I make One-On-Ones more conversational and less formal?

Focus on building the relationship, not checking boxes. While the structure (their time, your time) provides a helpful framework, the conversation should flow naturally. Use follow-up questions, show genuine interest, and avoid rushing to the next topic. The more comfortable you are with silence and letting conversations develop, the more natural your weekly One-On-Ones will feel.

For practical techniques, listen to Conversational One-On-Ones and Soft One-On-Ones.

Should I give feedback during One-On-Ones?

Yes and... One-On-Ones are an appropriate and useful time for you to give Manager Tools Feedback. However, that doesn't mean you should always wait to give Feedback then. Don't turn your weekly One-On-One into a "Feedback session." Doing so defeats the purpose of both One-On-Ones and Feedback!

If you're just starting One-On-Ones, we don't recommend you start Manager Tools Feedback for 12 weeks. Learn more about why and how here.

When should I start One-On-Ones with my team?

Start by briefing your team now and then start your One-On-Ones three weeks later. You can read more about our recommendations for starting on the "Getting Started With One-On-Ones" tab.

For more details, listen to Trinity Frequently Asked Questions #1: Why Wait Three Weeks To Start? and Zero Week.

What's the best way to do remote/virtual One-On-Ones?

Video is ideal for remote One-On-Ones. Visual cues are crucial for building relationships and understanding the full context of communication. Other best practices:

• Eliminate distractions even more rigorously than for in-person meetings
• Test your technology before the meeting starts
• Be even more disciplined about scheduling and punctuality
• Make sure you have access to documents that you and your direct will be looking at
• Be more explicit about transitions between topics

For comprehensive guidance, listen to One-On-Ones In a Hybrid Office Environment and Phone One-On-Ones.

Should I do "skip-level" One-On-Ones?

No. Your directs should do One-On-Ones with their directs! You can do skip level meetings occasionally, following a very specific format. Skip-level meetings are not One-On-Ones. While it's valuable to meet occasionally with your directs' directs, these should not be called One-On-Ones or follow the One-On-One format. True One-On-Ones only happen between direct managers and their directs. Skip-level meetings have different purposes and dynamics that require a different approach.

For a detailed explanation, listen to Don't Do Skip Level One-On-Ones.

What if my boss doesn't want me to do One-On-Ones?

Bosses who don't do One-On-Ones themselves sometimes have reasonable concerns, which can usually be overcome once you understand them. Boss pushback usually comes from one of a few sources: concerns about time management, misunderstanding the purpose of One-On-Ones, or worry about consistency. Your approach:

• Ask what specific concerns they have
• Explain the business benefits in terms they care about
• Suggest a trial period with specific metrics
• Offer to keep them updated on outcomes

For specific strategies, listen to Boss One-On-One Pushback.

How do I handle creative professionals who resist One-On-Ones?

Focus on how One-On-Ones support their creative work. Creative professionals sometimes resist structure, viewing it as constraining rather than enabling. To address this resistance to weekly One-On-Ones:

• Explain that One-On-Ones help remove obstacles to their creative work
• Emphasize that the meetings protect time for bigger-picture thinking by reducing interruptions
• Make clear that One-On-Ones are about supporting their success

For more nuanced guidance, listen to Overcoming Trinity Pushback - Chapter 3 - Creative People - Part 1 and Part 2.

What if my directs say there's no time for One-On-Ones?

Be clear that One-On-Ones are non-negotiable. The "no time" objection is common but rarely valid. Weekly One-On-Ones take just 1% of a direct's workweek. When directs claim they don't have time for these 30-minute meetings:

• Acknowledge the concern but don't accept it as a valid reason to skip meetings
• Put the time in perspective (30 minutes out of 40+ hours)
• Explain that One-On-Ones actually save time by preventing larger issues
• If necessary, help them identify lower-priority activities they can scale back

For detailed strategies, listen to "No Time For One-On-Ones" Part 1 and Part 2.

• Ready to get started? Go to the Getting Started
• Want to download tools? Head to the Resources tab.

Got a question you can't find the answer to? Email us anytime at [email protected].

Download our One-On-One Quick Start Pack - everything you need to begin your One-On-One rollout this week, in one download.

Here's everything included in the Quick Start Pack, available individually. Clicking the link will download the document.

Notetaking Templates (DOC)

• Recommended Notetaking Template - Our default format for new users. Balanced, structured, and easy to use.
• Includes Coaching Notes - Adds space to document development and coaching conversations.
• Includes Project Updates - Tracks progress on multiple projects with dedicated sections.
• Includes Task Tracking - For managers who want to follow up on deliverables week over week.
• Minimalist Version - Clean, no-frills layout for experienced managers or tight schedules.

Planning & Rollout Resources (PDF)

• Quick Start Guide - Your 4-week launch roadmap for One-On-Ones, step by step.
• 90-Day Implementation Timeline - A detailed plan to help you build the habit and stay on track.
• Rollout Briefing Slides - Use these to explain the One-On-One process to your team with confidence.
• Email Templates for Team Rollout - Cut-and-paste messages to help you introduce One-On-Ones smoothly.

These podcast episodes walk you through the foundations of One-On-Ones and common challenges managers face. Start with the basics or go deeper.

• One-On-Ones: Updated Guidance (Part 1) - The latest step-by-step on how to run them effectively.
• The Management Trinity: One-On-Ones - Why One-On-Ones matter and how they fit into the bigger picture.
• The First Question to Ask - A simple habit that builds continuity and trust.
• Scheduling One-On-Ones - How to protect the time and avoid common pitfalls.
• Taking Notes in One-On-Ones - Our recommended approach for tracking follow-ups and building trust.

Browse all One-On-One episodes →

Whether you're managing one person or leading a department, we offer flexible options:

• Video training for individuals or teams
• In-person and virtual training via the Effective Manager Conference
• Onsite management training for organizations

Learn more about Manager Tools Training

The License gives you full access to everything we offer - including training, tools, and real-time support.

• MT Chatbot: Ask us anything, anytime
• Effective Feedback Video: Learn from examples, good and bad, of the Manager Tools Feedback Model
• Interview Creation Tool: Create targeted behavioral interview questions and evaluate the answers
• Trinity Rollout Emails: An email series providing you with step-by-step instructions for rolling out One-On-Ones, Feedback, Coaching, and Delegation
• Access to every podcast and show notes archive
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Explore the License

"My manager questioned whether One-On-Ones were a waste of time. But right after that, our team survey showed how much people appreciated them. I haven't heard a single complaint since."
- Colin Browning

“I'd been floundering as a manager for years. After implementing One-On-Ones, a direct told me I was the best boss he’d ever had. The structure gave me clarity, and our team's performance-and mine-transformed.”
- Tanya Morton