Submitted by terrih on
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The first time it happened, it was brief and he apologized immediately.
But then he did it again yesterday--called her up on the phone and ripped her a new one at length until she couldn't take it any more and said "I'm hanging up now," and did.
I have invited him to my office for a meeting here shortly, partially to address the concerns he's raising, but mainly to say "don't yell at my directs... if you have a problem with something that's happening in my department, you bring it to ME."
Unfortunately there are other managers (and a VP) who get away with yelling. So it would be hollow for me to say "yelling is unacceptable." So I think I can only specify it in my department.
No one will probably have time to respond before my meeting with the peer, but I welcome any input. Thanks!
peer's side of story
He says he wasn't yelling, he was asserting his point. Hmm.
Terri, Maybe it's time to
Terri,
Maybe it's time to coach your direct on observing behaviors rather than making judgments. Yelling is, somewhat arguably, a judgment. "Ripping a new one" definitely is a judgment. So have your direct tell you if he's raising his voice, cutting her off, etc. Tell him that those behaviors are making your direct feel like he is aggressive and hostile. Tell him you believe your direct's description of behaviors. Tell him hostile behavior is unprofessional and you won't stand for it.
I'd lay out that you expect him to work with your direct in a certain way, and if he can't, he needs to interact with her through you. Keep focused on his behavior -- think about Mark's examples for when a direct says "but X gets away with that," or "but X did such-and-such." It doesn't matter what other directors and VPs do. It's not acceptable for your peer to get aggressive with your direct.
Treat the peer feedback like regular feedback. Why you did it doesn't matter. What someone else did doesn't matter. It won't be tolerated, and HR is your friend if it turns into a pattern. I hesitate to suggest HR, but the truth of the situation is that if he's unwilling to stop at your request, he doesn't place a lot of value on a professional relationship with you and there's not much of a bridge to burn.
-Brandon
Very good suggestions,
Very good suggestions, Brandon, thank you!