Submitted by mmcconkie on
Have any of you tried using the feedback model (maybe modified) with your children? As I'm getting ready for 2016, I'm trying to make goals around better parenting. One of my goals is to establish better relationships with my children, so I am going to be spending time with them individually each week in addition to our time as a whole family. I am considering trying to roll out positive feedback in 4-6 months, then negative feedback peppered in (no more than 1 in 10 feedback uses) toward the end of the year. I can't tell if this is a great idea, or a terrible idea. Anyone have any experience using feedback in the home?
Not with kids
Mark's counsel on this is pretty clear (if you go back to the earliest casts on feedback.) Do not use this stuff with your family. His words "This is Manager Tools not family tools."
It can only get you so far
Yes you can, but it will only get you so far.
The feedback escalation process end in terminating the employee if they don't change their behaviour. You probably don't want to go there, so you have to think about what you will do in that case.
I've found peer feedback to be the most useful as it is the least threatening and doesn't involve escalation. For teenagers, especially, expect to only ever deliver shot across the bow
one on ones!
Kids are in such different places developmentally; feedback requires a degree of self-awareness in the recipient that most youngsters don't have until their middle teens (if that.)
I highly recommend one-on-ones with your kids, though -- particularly that they can talk about whatever they want to talk about for a time -- My Little Pony, Heatwave the Rescue Bot, or Minecraft included :)
A while back when I was in a
A while back when I was in a mode where the feedback model was regularly flowing off my tongue, I once got halfway through the feedback model before I realized what I was doing. I decided to finish it. As an isolated result I can't say it improved my 14-year old daughter's compliance with algebra deadlines, but the conversation was more smooth than a repetitive nagging. I do, occasionally, say when you do x, y happens - I don't know if it sinks in or not, and behavior has improved, but I'm not going to claim causality. I also employ the withdraw when challenged aspect of feedback. That is helpful. It's also helpful to envision her doing the behavior better in the future when I address behavioral issues with her - puts me in a better frame of mind.
The relationship is so different though. I would not say this is using the feedback model.